Someday, by the will of God, I will become a mother. It is something I've dreamed of being ever since I was a little girl. Before being a lawyer, before being a business woman, I have always felt the call to motherhood. To have that bond, to carry another life beneath my heart for 9 months, to have a hand in forming a life that will someday impact this world in ways I can only hope for and imagine. And someday, by the will of God, I will hopefully become a mother to a beautiful, healthy, little boy.
From that day on, I will love him, I will protect him, I will make him giggle, I will teach him how to throw a baseball, and I will teach him how to ride a bike. He will make mistakes and I will correct him and I will make him cry at times when he does not want to be corrected. I will show him how big of an impact he can have on this world, good or bad, and I will hold him accountable to that impact, good or bad. With that being said, my one goal as a mother to a beautiful, healthy, little boy, is to teach him how to talk about, act around, and respect women.
In March of 2016, 12 jurors found an All-American swimmer from Stanford guilty of three counts of sexual assault facing a maximum of 14 years in prison. I am not writing this in order to discuss the case or explain how the defendant, Brock Turner, is a monster or try to "prove" his guiltiness (the entire trial can explain that for itself). Rather, I am writing this in order to shed light on a certain letter that Turner's father, Dan Turner, sent to the judge assigned to the case a week before Turner's sentencing asking for his son's sentence to be lessened to probation instead of jail time.
In the letter, he wrote about his sons' achievements saying, "He excelled in school that quarter earning the top GPA for all freshmen on the swim team." He continued, “What we didn’t realize was the extent to which Brock was struggling being so far from home. … When Brock was home during the Christmas break, he broke down and told us how much he was struggling to fit in socially.
“In hindsight, it’s clear that Brock was desperately trying to fit in at Stanford and fell into the culture of alcohol consumption and partying,” he wrote. “This culture was modeled by many of the upperclassmen on the swim team and played a role in the events of Jan 17 and 18 2015.”
Turner's father explained why his son deserved a lesser sentence by stating: "His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.”
As a result of this letter, Judge Aaron Perskey sentenced Turner to 6 months in jail along with 3 years of probation saying, "A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. I think he will not be a danger to others.”
It is clear to see that the victim of sexual assault was not the only one failed in this trial. With that single letter that was written by a father, someone who is a supposed to be an example of honor, truth, and responsibility to his own son, Brock Turner will never understand the severity of his actions and will never feel truly responsible for ruining another's life, along with his own. Rather than holding his son accountable for all the hurt he has caused the victim, the victim's family, and his own family, Dan Turner actually took the time out of his own life to sit down and write a letter defending his son, a rapist.
Someday, I hope and pray that when I have a son, I will teach him that at any given moment in our lives, everything can be taken away from us, especially because of actions. I will teach him that alcohol, drugs, parties, or any other factor in a certain circumstance is in no way an excuse to assault another human being, especially violating a woman's body in any way, shape, or form- ultimately stripping her of her dignity of self, trust in mankind, and comfort inside her own body or around others.
I will teach him that touching a woman without her consent, even if it just a "simple grab", is wrong. I will teach him that drinking, then touching a woman without her consent, is wrong. I will teach him that touching a woman who has obviously been drinking and does not consent, is wrong. I will teach him that touching a woman who has obviously been drinking and still consents, despite her state of mind, is WRONG.
As a mother, I will hold myself responsible of teaching my son not only how to be a great man in all aspects of his life, but how to treat a woman with respect under any and all circumstances. I will show him how to take care of a woman instead of taking advantage of her. I refuse to let my son slip under society's way of thinking that she "deserved it". I refuse to allow my son to believe that just because he is a great athlete on the baseball team, a well-rounded student, or a respected fraternity brother on campus, does not mean he is excused from denying a woman's right of consent that she did not give him in the first place.
Lastly, God forbid, if my son were to ever commit a crime as severe as Brock Turner's, I will not defend his actions or stand up for his "innocence" just because he drank too much one night. It is truly disheartening that one day I will have to raise a son and introduce him to a society that is quick to defend a rapist by pointing fingers at a woman who was taken advantage of at a time of vulnerability.
When I become a mother, I will teach my son that it's not okay to show off in front of your "friends", but it's okay to stand up to the ones that say, "She wants you, man." I will teach him that it's not okay to use his power to take away a woman's joy of living, but it's okay to defend the weak. I will teach him that it's okay to bring a girl home, simply tuck her in and say, "Goodnight," and it's okay to respect a woman when she says, "No."
