Some of us are guilty of it on a daily basis, some just occasionally and (if you’re like me) some get stuck on certain things that appear a part of our present, but are really a part of our past. There’s this idea that something is important and instead of communicating it as so, we often get stuck on it over and over again like a broken record. The idea is so important, you let it overshadow that time with your mom, who came to visit because she hasn’t seen you in six months.
It’s so important that you allow it to ruin a weekend getaway with your significant other, causing both of you to miss out completely on a growing experience for your relationship. You even allow it to get in your head in the middle of Savasana in yoga class. The reality is this: You can’t change something you already did or spilled, nor what has already happened; you can only amend it (clean it up, if you will). Recognizing this pattern could alert you and help you decide to make a change in the way you look at things and their place of importance in the bigger picture.
Sure, there are things we can and should reflect on in life--without the ability to change them--but only for the purpose of seeing the good in them and only for short moments of our time in the present. Anything else is just a waste. Dwelling in the past is a drain and a major relationship-killer. How do I know? I’ve allowed this to chew up and spit out many of my friendships and relationships in life. Without even realizing it, I would compare situations and chunks of my life that were completely different and irrelevantly judge them against each other.
I let unhappiness and self-reflection from my past hinder some of the greatest “could-have-beens” in my life. I let friendships go that I should have cherished. I neglected relationships with family members that needed strengthening from my end.
Important people in my life faded away one by one. As they have come and gone, I have watched colleagues surpass me in both professional and personal achievements. It took years of this same pattern for me to realize I was unhappy with something I was going to have to deal with for my entire life…myself. I was going to keep crying over the same thing, letting it tear me and my loved ones apart. What a lame excuse for neglecting these valuable people. This realization could have become another wall for me to put up against people, but I decided to let it go. Me and my problems were never more important than any of theirs. Crying over all of this bad milk was completely unreasonable and self-destructive. I will never be able to tell every single one of them how sorry I am for losing touch, for being selfish, and for clinging so closely to my past mistakes. But if you are reading, you know who you are.
Naturally, we like control over things that we don't always want to end. But sometimes there is no control, and, yet, always an end. I pray, and I believe that all of the significant people in my life that I can no longer see will know my desire for forgiveness and my remorse for pushing them away. Pressing onward, I make every effort to show people that I appreciate them and value them as a part of my life. What is the point of living if you cannot accept the here, now, and then as they are? Living in the present means trying something new, meeting people, reaching out to someone you love or someone who needs love, and always starting fresh with each new day. Reading someone else’s intelligent opinion is also enlightening: a book, news article, or blog. Otherwise, there is cooking, exploring, volunteering, taking a class. You get the idea.
How can one better himself if he is stuck in the same routine, distracted by yesterday’s news? This could become a quick depressant and a sad way of isolating yourself. Forward-thinking allows you not only to avoid sobbing into a pint of ice cream, but to change certain circumstances by granting you the patience to recognize a potential puddle of milk and how to clean it up. Looking back on my past, I am proud and humbled by the lessons I have learned, and I have peace with treating it as a shiny new place where a puddle of regret once lied.
“Think about it: You’re driving, and there’s a giant windshield and a small rear view mirror. Ever wonder why it’s so small? So you can only glance at it once in awhile. If you stare and dwell on what’s behind you, you’re gonna crash.” –Derek Hough
