On a brisk night, a young woman wearing a tight black dress and red lipstick walks home after meeting friends for drinks at a club. Yes, she is a little tipsy. She begins her walk home, crosses the street and is hit by a car. She doesn’t die but is seriously injured.
Most people wouldn’t blame her for getting hit by the car. They wouldn’t say she was asking for it because of what she wore. They wouldn’t blame her because she was tipsy. No one would tell her to do something to specifically avoid being hit that night.
So, my question is why do we ask the same questions with sexual assault and rape? Why do we immediately ask what the victim was wearing, or if she had been drinking that night? We wouldn’t have said she was asking for the car to hit her. We wouldn’t say that the woman may have given the car the impression that she wanted to be hit. So why do we say that because that girl was wearing something “revealing” or because alcohol was involved, that she should be more careful?
First, rape is 100% the perpetrator’s fault. It doesn’t matter if the victim is wearing a tight black dress, a sweatshirt, or if she is walking around naked. No one has the right to touch her. They aren’t, “asking for it.” No one has the right to touch anyone unless they consent to it. Yes means yes! And the absence of no is not the presence of yes! Consent is required.
Even if this person is drunk, it doesn’t give you a free pass. Your sexual desires and their possible signals don’t make up for their consent. Get over yourself. No means no.
If something does happen, it doesn’t mean it is the victim's fault. Don’t you dare say that the victim should have been more careful or to put themselves in that situation. Humans know that if someone is intoxicated or on drugs, they have absolutely no right to do anything to them except make sure they are in a safe location where they can recover and rest. Most importantly, if someone gives you the impression that they are wanting to have sex and they say no, you stop. I don't care if, "you know they just want it so bad."
Rape is not as simple as a statistic. It's life altering and boiling it down to a number is ridiculous. It is life altering and a terrible thing. You cannot prevent it or prepare for it. You wouldn’t warn someone about rape if they go out drinking, it implies that it is the victims duty to prevent the unpreventable. What kind of precedent would we set if we told victims to prepare for potentially being raped? Do we prepare someone for potentially being murdered? NO. Rape can happen to anyone and it is never the victim's fault.
Personally, I know too many victims who have been stereotyped or blamed for putting themselves in that situation. Would you blame someone for being hit by a car? Would you blame someone for being put in a terrible situation by someone else? No. And neither should society. No one EVER deserves to go through the terror of rape or sexual assault.
