This post will unexpectedly have a ton of dirty jokes!

Pornography films are maybe one of the greatest things invented by man…

Yeah, right! NO, they aren’t. Why? Because it’s the worst acting I’ve ever seen in my life. I know what you’re saying, “No one watches them for the acting.” Well, guess what—I do! Well, not really, but it’s hard (haha) to get into the “mood” when the acting is so…horrifying.

I’m sure you’ve noticed it: the cheesy dialogue, the horribly written storyline that involves getting something fixed or checked up. And, of course, the creepy, weird sexual fantasies. I mean cringe, right? What’s worse are the accidents: “Oops by button came undone, oh my!” or “I accidentally landed on his (wink, wink),” and “Oh ma’am, let me help you with that” (vomit)!

Give. me. a. break. I find porn boring—it’s so cliché. Like, how can a person get turned on? Personally, I’m too busy watching them mess up a storyline!

To quote one of my friends, “Porn is basically a super buff guy robotically humping a girl in missionary position, and she’s moaning like it’s the best thing since sliced bread” (feel free and laugh your ass off, I did)!

Also, porn is made (personally I think) for men. I’m sure a lot of you would agree. A few of my friends are on the same page, commenting that porn is very fake. It’s just bothersome. A lot of people have told me in the past few days that they use alternatives to get things going. For example, I have a friend who watches hentai. She told me that she could watch a whole movie or series of hentai for the entertainment rather than the sex. Then, there’s a woman named Erica Lust who directs films for more than just sex; she makes films as an aesthetic, for artistic reasons, promoting women empowerment. See, that’s depth.

I, personally, need depth: a plot and a freaking storyline. I have to say something—don’t stone me to death—“Fifty Shades of Grey,” not the book (it was terrible) but the movie, y’all…that was a good movie! It had me squealing and blushing! Women like that stuff. Not all women, just every woman in that theater watching who fantasized that they were Anastasia. You may think I’m wrong but, when I watch it, I want to be able to relate to it on some type of level; I want to believe in what my characters are doing and know, in a way, they mean it.