Love is the most irrational, intangible mystery that I have ever known. I had always heard the saying, “It will happen when you least expect it,” and that drove me crazy. Because I felt that I was searching for it everywhere- every place and every day I thought would be the perfect timing. I would finally find the love I had been looking for that would fit my unrealistic and high standards. But every time I anticipated it, I was let down once again. I learned that searching only wore out my heart and closed it off almost entirely.
I went through high school turning down any attention that came my way because of those lofty expectations that I had. I created a bubble of loneliness that was becoming unbearable. I wanted to have a glimpse of what others had found; and to feel so strongly for another human being.
I spent years wondering what it would feel like, contemplating how I would know, and debating if I had ever experienced it before. And If there is one thing I know now for sure, it’s that you won’t ever have to question love. The truth is that you know when you know.
Love is not something you can rationalize. Not something you can control. And most definitely not something you can talk yourself into. Love, when it finds you, will hit you harder than you would have ever expected. The process of falling in love is one that you won’t be conscious of; instead, you will find that you have fallen before you have the chance to catch yourself.
And my process of learning all of this began on, not surprisingly, a night I least expected it. I have a bit more life to live before I definitively say that I believe in fate. But this night is one which leads me closer to declaring that I do. One night a gathering was taking a place with dear friends, mutual acquaintances, and some who were strangers to me. I did not want to go; and I had made up my mind that I wouldn’t. But at the last minute, I thought, “Why not?” and off I went. I was late, and had almost been unable to find a ride on that cold night in late March. I arrived with much more spirit than I imagined I would have, dancing to the music all the while. Dancing, dancing, and then suddenly I bumped into someone I didn’t know. A tall, handsome man with an impeccable beard.
This was a moment that I replay in my mind to this day. This was a moment that marked a time of ‘then’ vs.‘now.’
Instead of just apologizing for bumping into this man and going on my way, I somehow, being the introvert that I am, got the nerve to introduce myself. I cannot tell you why I did or what made me do it, but it was one of the best moves I have ever made.
Fast forward to the next few months of fun outings and guards coming down. To every detail of our story which includes some pieces that are so beautiful that it hurts, some more jagged than others, some hardships, and some trying times. But most importantly, fast forward to right now. To this bliss I am living in.
To the one who supports me.
The one who knows exactly what to say, even if it isn’t what I want to hear.
The one who always keeps me laughing.
The one who pushes me to be the best that I can be in all that I do.
The one who shares in all my fun little adventures.
The one who showed me what love is, and who never made me question it.
My best friend, Kody.
And when you find it, for the first time, second time, or fifth time: hold onto it. Nurture it, cherish it, and most importantly, always acknowledge how fortunate you are to have found it. Because a connection like it doesn't come around all the time and you will know it by the way that it feels. Dive completely into the mystery and bewilderment. And lastly, know that if you haven't found it, that you will. You will find your supporter, the one who knows exactly what to say, the one who will make you laugh, the one who pushes you, the one who shares in all your adventures, and the one who is undeniably your best friend. And it will most likely be when you least expect it.
