There used to be a time in my life where every little thing I said and did was negative. Every word that came out of my mouth was negative. I was sad all the time, and frankly, people got sick of hanging out with me. I didn't even realize this until one of my friends actually told me this to my face. I changed my outlook on life completely.
Since then, I have become one of the most stubborn people when it comes to sharing my emotions and feelings. I don't mean that in a bad way, though; I'm good at finding the positives in every situation and I'm always happy around my friends. I want to be known as the person that picks everyone up with my high energy and happiness. I never want people to feel negativity radiating from me like they had in the past.
I now just learn to tuck away my emotions, and stay strong 24/7.
It was hard at first, to bite my tongue all the time and push away any moment of anger or sadness I felt. I shared my feelings only with my closest friend and my family. Other than that, all people saw each day was a happy, care-free person.
Well, there are many downsides with this, as most of you may know, but the only side affect that has really come back to bite me in the butt is when you just can't handle it anymore. One day, after holding in the bad for so long, you explode, and that's no fun for anyone.
Stubborn me had one of those days recently. Well, sort of. I was having a day where everything was going wrong... and I mean everything. I had been texting my best friend throughout the day about all the terrible things happening, but my immediate response each time was, "I'm fine, I'll be fine!"
Joke was on me, because I clearly wasn't.
Later that night, my friend got mad at me. Mad at me not because I had said or done something to him, but mad because I wasn't being honest with myself.
He sent me this:
"You're tough, but even the toughest people in the world break down for a little bit and let themselves feel sad and angry. Doesn't make you less of a person."
He was right. Having feelings, being raw and emotional isn't a bad thing. Being strong 24/7 is great, but being honest with yourself that you may be having a bad day is important, too. You need to find a happy medium.
So, the whole moral of this article is that if you find yourself hiding your emotions, being strong even when you don't think you can be, and telling yourself "I'm fine" 24/7, understand that it is OK not be OK. It's OK to cry. It's OK to let it all out. It's OK to be upset or angry. Allow yourself to feel every part of yourself. Be in touch with your emotions. Like my friend said, it doesn't make you less of a person.
Just remember that emotion is not weakness. Emotion is the beginning to strength.
