An Open Letter to You

An Open Letter to You

For my (ex) love.
16
views

Dear Princess,

The last four years of my life has been spent with you on the brain. Three times we tried to make us work. Three. I knew this past December would be the last time I ever asked you to be my girlfriend. We were either going to make it in the long run, or I would be saying goodbye to you for good. I mean, third time is the charm, right? I guess you and I were lacking in that department.

You know, every time we broke up, it hurt a little more. But this time was just terrible. It has been nearly four months now, but it still stings. (I guess it's because this time, it's permanent.) I have never cried over a breakup before. I felt so guilty and torn up. I kept asking why I wasn't good enough? What did I do wrong? What did I need to change? Why can't you love me? But, we were toxic. I was constantly waiting for you to drop the bomb and tell me you didn't want me anymore. And that's just not healthy, Princess.

I have to ask though, what made you give up after all those promises? Was I getting too serious, talking about the future like I was? Was I too jealous of your best friend? Was I too open with my friends? Was the distance between my school and home too much? Too much so that the idea of coming to visit me was so overwhelming you dumped me just days before you were due to arrive? What could we have done differently, Princess? If we were to go back in time, how would you want me to fix it?

How would you want me to prove that I wanted you, needed you, loved you? Tell me what you needed. Tell me how you need and want to be treated. Tell me that you loved me then, and that you meant it. Because you meant it, right? My telling myself you never actually cared, it is a lie - I need you to tell me that. I need to know that if we kept fighting like real couples are meant to, we would still be making it through.

And, no, I don't want you back. We aren't meant to be, clearly. I just need closure. I need answers. I needed you, and you left me.

I was a wreck. So many people asked how I bounced back so fast, but I didn't. I cried when I touched the necklace you gave me for Valentine's Day - the little black heart with "I love you" inscribed in twelve different languages, remember? I winced whenever something reminded me of you. I couldn't even play card games without thinking of you.

Two days after the breakup, I considered ending it. Irrational thought, I know, but I was at a super low and I just kept getting kicked while I was down. The person I hoped would help me up, was wearing steel-toed boots. So, I cried, listened to Hamilton and struggled to cope.

Is it bad that I hope you suffered just as much, Princess? Is it bad that I hope you were just as miserable? Is it bad that I still love you? Am I ever going to hear from you again?

Why do I give you so much power?

I am so sorry we struggled so much. No, I don't blame you. Yes, I still hold some anger. No, I don't want you back. Yes, I need answers. Yes, I still love you. No, I am not over you. No, I don't want to see you. Yes, I would love to hear your voice. I am all over the place. Mixed signals galore — yet they all still point to you.

And, hey, it wasn't all bad. We had beautiful moments. There were texts full of gushy sentiments and plans for the future. There were goofy phone calls spent arguing over whether we'd have cats or dogs — even how many kids you'd be willing to put up with. There were compliments and flirtations that made me blush like I was an angsty preteen all over again. You made me feel beautiful after years of hating myself. There were jokes and long nights of us arguing about your addiction to monster and my addiction to terrible television shows. There were cheesy dates where I stressed and you giggled. There was promise rings and super-thought-out gifts for Valentine's Day and anniversaries. We were happy, we were in love.

I wish we had stayed that way. I wish we had talked our issues out instead of covering them all up. I wish we had never pretended everything was perfect. However, we have moved on, right? We have grown and let go.

So, all in all, I wish you the best. I hope you're happy and flourishing. I hope you're eating and sleeping, and just generally taking care of yourself. One last thing: you're still a princess, so I hope you kept that ring - you're just not my Princess any longer. I love you, but this is a goodbye letter; our time has come and gone.

Sincerely, the one who must let go.

Cover Image Credit: Quotes Like

Popular Right Now

College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.
38039
views

The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:


“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:

“FISH STICK! I NAMED HIM FISH STICK BECAUSE HE'S A FISH STICK, OF COURSE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 59)

When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:


"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

15 Thing Only Early 2000's Kids Will Understand

"Get connected for free, with education connection"

293
views

This is it early 2000's babies, a compilation finally made for you. This list is loaded with things that will make you swoon with nostalgia.

1. Not being accepted by the late 90's kids.

Giphy

Contrary to what one may think, late 90's and early 00's kids had the same childhood, but whenever a 00's kid says they remember something on an "only 90's kids will understand" post they are ridiculed.

2. Fortune tellers.

Giphy

Every day in elementary school you would whip one of these bad boys out of your desk, and proceed to tell all of your classmates what lifestyle they were going to live and who they were going to marry.

3.Bunnicula

1.bp.blogspot.com

You could never read this book past 8 o'clock at night out of fear that your beloved pet rabbit would come after you.

4. Silly bands.

upload.wikimedia.org

You vividly remember begging your parents to buy you $10 worth of cheap rubber bands that vaguely resembles the shape of an everyday object.

5. Parachutes.

btckstorage.blob.core.windows.net

The joy and excitement that washed over you whenever you saw the gym teacher pull out the huge rainbow parachute. The adrenaline that pumped through your veins whenever your gym teacher tells you the pull the chute under you and sit to make a huge "fort".

6. Putty Erasers

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/385972630558152185/

You always bought one whenever there was a school store.

7. iPod shuffle.

cdn.pixabay.com

The smallest, least technological iPpd apple has made, made you the coolest kid at the bus stop.

8. "Education Connection"

You knew EVERY wood to the "Education Connection" commercials. Every. Single.Word.

9. " The Naked Brothers Band"

www.youtube.com

The "Naked Brothers Band" had a short run on Nickelodeon and wrote some absolute bangers including, "Crazy Car' and "I Don't Wanna Go To School"

10. Dance Dance Revolution

live.staticflickr.com

This one video game caused so many sibling, friend, and parent rivalries. This is also where you learned all of your super sick dance moves.

11. Tamagotchi

assets.rbl.ms

Going to school with fear of your Tamagotchi dying while you were away was your biggest worry.

12. Gym Scooters

assets.rbl.ms

You, or somebody you know most likely broke or jammed their finger on one of these bad boys, but it was worth it.

13. Scholastic book fairs

c1.staticflickr.com

Begging your parents for money to buy a new book, and then actually spending it on pens, pencils, erasers, and posters.

14.Go-Gurt

assets.rbl.ms

Who knew that putting yogurt in a plastic tube made it taste so much better?

15. Slap Bracelets

media.rbl.ms

Your school probably banned these for being "too dangerous".

Related Content

Facebook Comments