As a college student, you find yourself overcommitting. There are always subtle pressures that can come from friends, involvement, the fear of being left out or failure. You find yourself trying to make it to three meetings in one night, your friend's birthday party, and your chemistry homework is due at 11:59. This becomes an exhausting cycle of sacrificing yourself instead of truly understanding yourself and your schedule. The only true solution is learning the art of saying no.
Why is saying no so hard? Many times we are not realistic enough with the expectations we set for our self, and can be intangible to achieve. We want to please everyone, but in reality, this is not possible. The reason of why we do not say no can go far deeper than this. It is important to evaluate yourself. The fear of rejection can link to the fear of being a burden. These are two very toxic mindsets that can affect your self value. Your voice matters, and more importantly your value does not come from other's approval. Realizing your self worth is extremely empowering, but practice makes perfect.
When practicing saying no, the question you should ask yourself is, "Is it really worth saying yes to?" because as a student more times than not you have other primary obligations. In situations where you would have to say no, there are few effective ways that can make saying no super painless: quick, explain, and alternative. Be quick and straight to the point with your response. The longer the ramble the more you feel compelled to say yes.
Depending on the person, give them an honest explanation of why you cannot commit, especially with friends. My personal favorite, that can make you fast on your feet, is proposing an alternative. For example, "I know _____ is better at that than I would be" or " I think ______ is interested/ would like to help, etc". Nine times out of ten the people that want to make time with you are people that love you.
They will understand and will want you to take care of yourself. Many times when I have said no, I still have caved and over apologized or felt guilty. This can be just as harmful as overcommitting yourself. If others make you feel guilty, then they do not have your best interest at heart.
College does not slow down for you, so why make it harder on yourself? Just because you do not join 1,000 clubs and organizations your freshman year does not mean you will not be able to build your résumé. Just because you do not go to the swap does not mean you are on the track for the Sophomore slump. And trust me, there will be plenty of birthday parties. Know your limits. Get some rest, get ahead on your school work, take a hot shower, make a Spotify playlist. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do not just go through the motions. Enjoy what you say yes to because your college years are what you make of it.
