At the beginning of freshman year, I wasn't sure that Rice was for me. I had focused so much on the idea of "reinventing" myself in college, but I hadn't even thought about how to go about it. "Reinventing" yourself in a new place is stress-inducing, not this liberating experience I'd expected.
Who even was I? How do you even "reinvent" yourself when you have no idea who you want to be or, more importantly, who you have the potential of becoming? Not only that, but college itself is a terrifying, overwhelming transition. I didn't really feel "at home" in my dorm; I didn't really feel at home anywhere. Everything just felt like school — 24 hours of school every single day. There was no escape, no place to just be me. I tried to find something that could resemble home for me: a coffeeshop or a club, but nothing quite worked. I felt terribly alone and depressed.
That depression stuck around for a little while, too — making the whole transition millions of degrees worse.
Plus, academics were infinitely harder than I had anticipated. I knew Rice was a good school but I came in with this sense of confidence: I had done really well in high school, I could do this. They wouldn't have admitted me if I couldn't do it. While it is true that Rice doesn't admit anyone they aren't confident in, it doesn't change the fact that academics can be difficult. Smart people fail classes. It happens — especially at Rice.
As the school year went on, though, things got better. I was able to find little bits of "home" to latch on to. I joined two amazing clubs with people whom I adore so much. I did well in my classes and found professors who thought I might have some sort of talent. But, while all of these things helped, they weren't what made Rice feel like home. They weren't what finally made me feel comfortable and at peace.
My friends were the people who did that. My friends made Rice feel like home. My friends are my home away from home. We bring each other poorly made grocery-bought cakes for each person's birthday. We eat dinner together almost every night. We became a family.
If I can give one piece of advice to the new freshmen, it is this: Find a family. Find a home. Don't rush it or push it or make it happen if it does not happen organically. Don't panic if it doesn't happen for you in the first semester. Be open to new experiences: Join clubs, start clubs, talk to your professors, or that random girl who lives across the hall from you. Make a family for yourself.
I know that college is hard. The transition is almost miserable; I cried so many times during the first semester of my freshmen year, felt so alone. I thought about leaving Rice, going somewhere new. But my friends became a reason to stay. College will get better. I promise you that. Find a home or a family or some place that gives you peace. That will make all the difference.
