My story goes like many others who did not know they had ADHD or even know what it was in the first place. So lets start off by explaining what ADHD actually is. Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, ADHD, is medically described as a chronic condition that includes symptoms of attention difficulty, hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Now, I assume many of you may think of that annoying kid when you were little, the one who would always interrupt, talk non-stop, never get good marks on their work; the children that would receive time-outs and be ridiculed by teachers when their actions cannot be controlled. But what if I told you that there is more to ADHD than hyperactive children who cannot pay attention?

From someone with ADHD, I cannot sit in one place for long periods of time, I have to fidget, move or walk around especially when studying for a test. I physically cannot read a book because my mind wont let me. I will read one paragraph over and over as I see and understand the words, but they just seem to fade after I look away. I can be talking directly to you, but when it is your turn in the conversation, my mind will slowly wonder onto other things. I can be looking directly at you and not hear a single word you say to me. Now, not only is ADHD when you are unable to pay attention, it is also when you’re so fixated on a certain thing that you can focus on it for hours. Parents will say to me, “my child can play video games for hours and not be able to do his homework for five minutes, he cant possibly have ADHD”… but yes, yes he can. Personally, I love to draw, I can spend hours upon hours drawing a picture only to notice 4-5 hours fly right by… yet when I sit down to do my homework or read a book, I feel my mind just say “nope” and find anything and everything to focus my attention on other than what I need to.

You’re probably saying to yourself, “teachers and parents are supposed to know if their child has an issue right?” well not always… As I believe that teachers should be trained on learning disorders and how to recognize them, the harsh reality is that they are not. Many teachers actually tell parents when they believe their child should be evaluated for ADHD, contrarily many teachers do not because they feel that “kids will be kids” or “they are naturally hyper”. Those are the exact reasons no one ever told my parents to get me tested or evaluated. No one told my parents about my issues in school or to get me a tutor. No one who should know how to understand and recognize these types of disorders, like my pediatrician, informed my parents that I might actually have a learning disability.

Fast forward to middle school and high school, this is when I started to notice it myself. I always told my sister and mother (both book lovers) that I hate to read… when in reality I couldn’t. Now I can read a book, I learned that in elementary, but when I say I cant read a book, I mean nothing sticks. I see the words and I understand them completely fine… but they don’t stay. So, me thinking I was practically stupid, I never read books. Not when they were assigned in class, not for leisure, I didn’t even read magazines or newspapers. So I decided to give up. I gave up on studying for tests, readings for class, even doing my homework… I just gave up. I would continuously tell my parents that I have ADHD because I had done my research, but time and time again I would get told that I just wasn’t trying hard enough; and I started to believe it. I started to think school just wasn’t for me, but luckily enough, I graduated high school and made it into UCONN by the skin of my teeth.

My first year in college was like any other freshman year, you think its all fun and games to not to your work or not go to class and joke around having a low GPA until you understand that you can get kicked out for having bad grades. My first semester, I received a term GPA of a 1.6, my second semester got me a whopping 1.4. Amazing right? Not really… but it was not until my third semester did I met my now best friend, who has had ADHD since she basically came out of the womb. She recognized my tendencies more than anyone I have ever met, from my fidgeting with my fingers to my inability to stay focused on the simplest task. So following her advice, I finally went and got evaluated for ADHD and surprise surprise, turns out I have it… pretty bad actually.

I was told by the clinical psychologist at UCONN and reevaluated once more at a psychiatrists office, both telling me that its amazing how no one notice to get me tested earlier. Now, you would think I am relieved at this point, however I was the exact opposite, I was angry actually I was furious. I was furious at my teachers leading up to this point in school who did not say a word to my parents. I was furious at my doctors for not testing me in the first place of even asking questions about my hyperactivity. But most of all I was furious at the people who knew nothing about the disorder in and of itself; I blamed my parents. I blamed them for me not being able to retain the information I would read, for how I would get distracted so easily in class… for the loss of belief I had in myself to which none of this was under their control. I questioned them why I was never brought in to be tested; why it took so long for anyone to figure out I had this disorder.

Today, as a junior at the University of Connecticut, I have been able to bring my term GPA up from a 1.4 to a 2.9 in the matter of a semester. I can actually remember what I read in a book! I am able to retain information I learned in class and get grades on tests I used to think were impossible. I have learned that when you are faced with an obstacle, to not let it become bigger than you. I am not my disorder, I am not crazy, I am not stupid, and I am not lazy. I have learned that although I may have to work twice as hard to get half the results as people without ADHD that it is worth it. It shows I do not give up even on the days when my brain will literally stop retaining anything because it is tired. I study hours on end for tests that are naturally easy for normal people. I cried when I finally started and finished a book without having to read one paragraph 10 times over just to end up not remembering the first sentence.

I am not my disorder, but my disorder is a part of me. I may fidget, I may talk a lot, and I may ask you to repeat yourself multiple times until I finally recognize what you said, but that is whom I am. I am a psychology major studying to be a nurse, something I never thought I would be able to do, and I able to be happy. I am happy at school, I am happy at home, I am happy that I do not encounter that internal struggle anymore. I am happy to know that I am unique and to know that there is nothing wrong with that.

So if you have gotten this far, remember to love yourself for whom you are. Love your quirks, your struggles, and most of all your family. They are by your side and have loved you from the start, and learn to make friends with your ADHD, you two will be together for a while…