In my local mom groups the discussion regarding wives and their issue with their significant others watching porn is an re-occurring topic. Statements such as "porn is cheating because he's lusting after other women/men" and "If he has a woman he shouldn't need to watch porn nor do anything himself as it's so disrespectful" pour into the comment section to back the women who posts her original frustrations. I find myself almost always being the odd one out. I find myself backing the right to your own bodily autonomy and your own sexuality while people commenting seem to believe that I am justifying cheating.

In my opinion, porn is not cheating and attempting to control your partners porn habit is absurd. Why do I feel this way? My body is my own body. I am allowed to do whatever I'd like with my own body, whether that be paint my toenails pink or get bangs done to my hair or masturbate— those are my choices. Would I and would a majority of the population find it troubling if my partner told me I couldn't paint my toenails without my partners permission, or cut my hair? Yes, and why is that? It is because that is controlling in nature and controlling behaviors constitutes abuse. So why is it justifiable for someone to advocate not "allowing" one's partner to watch porn? If I don't expect another human being to tell me what I can do with my own body and with my own body parts, including my eyes, then I certainly wouldn't try to exert that type of control upon another, especially my significant other.

I am not saying that you cannot view watching porn as a dealbreaker in your relationship. Anything that makes YOU uncomfortable should be communicated openly and honestly to your partner; however if your partner watches porn, and that's a dealbreaker for you then you have the wrong partner. You two should not be pursuing a relationship. You cannot expect someone to easily relinquish their free will to you under the statement that if they do not, they are being unfaithful.

How would you feel if someone told me what you could and couldn't watch? If you're not allowed to watch porn, can you watch movies that show explicit scenes or is that not allowed? If a person agrees not to indulge in adult entertainment on demand, then what else will they be forced to do against their wishes? What other things will they have to lose just to gain their partner? Where does it end? I notice that the "porn is cheating" conversation is commonly lead by women regarding their male partners, which forces me to wonder if this is why we are so slow as a society to recognize the controlling and manipulative factors behind this issue. Submitting to an unreasonable demand because you fear your partners reaction or the repercussions is abusive, just because it tends to be a women expecting that free will to be handed over doesn't make it any less abusive. There is no excuse for attempting to control what goes into your partner's line of sight. If you fear watching porn will lead to your partner cheating, then you need to learn to trust your partner or your not with the right partner. If you fear watching porn means your partner doesn't think your good enough, then you need to do some self work to figure out why you don't think your good enough.

Your partner's body is their own. You don't own them. And because of that; refusing to allow your partner to watch porn is silly and a minuscule argument to have in the grand scheme of things.