"I can't do it." I texted my best friend Laura. I sat and pushed my fingers through my hair letting out a sigh, while I waited for her reply. The lump in my throat was getting harder to restrain and I couldn't get the snap chat story out of my mind. My stomach was in knots and my head felt like someone had just hit me with a sledgehammer. And my heart. Oh, my heart. The feeling was similar to stepping on a million legos. But in my chest. I really can't explain it any other way. It's like every time the snap replayed in my head, my heart would step on another lego. I wasn't a fan of the feeling and I wasn't a fan that this wasn't the first time I'd felt this way from viewing something on social media that week.

My eyes shot back to my phone sitting in front of me on my bed. Homework was piled high and photo shoots needed to be edited but I couldn't think straight. I couldn't resist anymore. I grabbed my phone and I opened my apps folder. Immediately clicking on snap chat I went to record a witty response. Something true and harsh and just (in my opinion). I took a video, then I tried to tape it again. And again. And again. Every time I did my tummy turned and my guilt would rise a bit. Okay, so if snap chat is too far maybe just commenting on the Instagram photo that was conveniently posted would get my point across. I'm sure it would quickly be deleted by the other party, but not before I called them out publicly. I exited snap chat and opened my Instagram. I typed in the username and scrolled to the photo. I started typing. I was about to press send when the first tear fell to the screen. Water doesn’t do well on touchscreens, and in the time it took me to wipe off my phone, it started ringing.

It was Laura. She quickly asked me to tell her what I was feeling and she listened to every word I said.I could hear her tear up at the pain I was obviously still in. I was healing from past hurt and every time something was posted onto social media, it's like I took a step backwards in the wrong direction. "How can something be so important for someone to post that it becomes insignificant to them the amount of hurt that they know it's bringing me?" I wailed. "But Laura, I know I can't respond. I know I can't call anyone out that way. I'm just so tired of humbling myself in this situation." Silence filled the conversation for a moment, long enough to let me catch my breath and blow my nose into the nearest tissue. Long enough for me to realize that my anger and my longing to respond were all rooted in my selfish flesh. Long enough for me to realize that what was significant was the fact that I had someone who would call me when I was hurting, and that it was probably God saving me from making a reckless decision. Long enough for me to realize that a post on social media wasn't worth me hurting someone just because what was posted had hurt me. Long enough for me to realize that God was working in my life and He was working in the lives of the people who follow me on everything social media wise. If I was to get online and call someone out or tell the truth about everything that's ever happened to me, I would be tearing apart five things. My reputation and testimony for the way I went about doing so, the other person's reputation and testimony for what they have done to me, and God's heart for the way His child was treating her brothers and sisters in Christ.

As much as I don't want to humble myself to those who hurt me, It is what I am called to do. If I only did what I was called to do when it was easy for me, I wouldn't be much of a follower of Christ I'd be more of a "fan". If that means turning my phone off to resist temptations, blocking people to protect my heart, and humbling myself to lead others to Christ that's what I am going to do.

I know that people read my blogs and have differing opinions. There're the ones who read them and applaud at the truth and the courage I have in Christ to speak in honesty but to retain self-control while doing so. Then there are the ones who probably think my honesty is a cry for help or attention. What keeps me writing what I want and how I really feel while maintaining control is the fact that I am not, and refuse to ever be, dependent on what other's think of the way I feel or the belief I have that God wants to use my crazy life to speak to others. If that means I'm going through a rough season of life and almost every blog I write is about finding hope in hard times, then that's what it means. I'm called to live my life to the fullest in Him. Not to alter my life to appeal to what social media wants me to write about or the way they want me to feel a week from now. It can be so easy to post what we feel without thinking because that's what the world encourages us to do, but it is way more dangerous than we think!

Before you post something, think about what you are doing. If in any way someone could be deeply hurt by what you say, you need to take a step back and ask yourself a few questions. Is that photo important enough to possibly create a divide between you and someone else? Sometimes we have a way of willingly trading in other's feelings for what is more important to us. People are always more important than your social media. So before you tweet, post, or snap, take a breath or two and prioritize. And before you go to defend yourself on social media or prove yourself or anything of that sort (like I almost did) ask yourself if you are willing to hurt others for your own self-righteousness. When I asked myself that question, I knew the answer in my heart immediately.

Oh, and take a break from social media. The world is really cool, dude.