When I think back to my youth watching reality television, the show “Bridezillas” comes to mind and makes me shudder. Why were those women so childish and demanding? Why did no one throw something at their heads? Who knows? I do know that there is a fine line between being assertive about what you want and being an absolute ass. We all have visions of how we want some things to be, and our wedding is no different.

Wedding planning is stressful for everyone involved. I’m currently a maid of honor for my friend who is getting married a month after I am. That’s a super tight timeline, but luckily she’s not driving me too crazy and I’m trying to return the favor. She has a fear that she’s going to be a terrible “Bridezilla”. While she isn’t being a tiara-wearing-terror, many brides are. Personally I can’t fathom losing my mind over a napkin being folded wrong, but I guess to each their own. But I do know one thing we can all agree on: nobody likes a Bridezilla.

In this article I’ve compiled a few tips for the bride-to-be as well as anyone else who needs a refresher on keeping calm during wedding season. Disclaimer: Every situation is different, these are my opinions. You do you.

1. It's my day and I can do what I want.

Actually, it’s not just your day. A wedding is about a couple coming together in front of an officiate of their choice and family to announce their love and legally bind themselves together. That’s a dry way of looking at it, but effective for our article. So in sum, the day is about you, your fiancé, and your respective families that you are each joining. That being said: there’s a difference between being a selfish brat and having things done the way you’d prefer. The best course of action is usually to be considerate but not overly sensitive.

2. The guest list…

Your guest list is of vital importance. It can very small or all inclusive. Who makes the cut is up to you and sometimes it sucks being in charge of making that list. Do you invite your best friend’s crazy Aunt Mabel who got you a Pez dispenser for Christmas once or do you pass on that and invite your Dad’s new girlfriend by name? It’s completely up to you, but sometimes there is a delicacy involved. For instance, maybe you don’t invite the ex of one of the members of your wedding party (or at least check first!). A good rule of thumb is to prioritize who means the most and to ask yourself a couple of questions: Are there any downsides to inviting or not inviting a particular guest? Are you okay with the ramifications if there are any?

3. Doable Requests and Unreasonable Expectations…

Your wedding party is the people you have chosen to stand at your side. Maids of Honor are responsible for several things aside from helping you pee. If they accept the mantle they are also accepting responsibility to throw you a party or two, wear that ugly dress, and give you tissues when you start to cry. BUT don’t abuse your wedding party! Remember, they can drop out of your wedding at any point; they’re doing you a solid. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for support, but don’t expect the world from them. Also, don’t expect your bridal party to spend a house payment’s worth on their dresses, who does that?

4. In-laws do matter!

You’re getting married and gaining a few in-laws. If your significant other is close to their family and has a good relationship with them, chances are they will want their family involved. So if you’re planning who helps with what, maybe ask your new mother-in-law her opinion on a few things. It’s important to let the family you’re joining know that they matter to you. I personally have hit the motherlode of awesome families to join, but not everyone gets lucky. So even if you’re barely cordial with your in-laws, making the effort to be nice and involve them goes a long way.

Honestly this list is basic wedding survival. Don’t lose your cool and you should be fine. Now I may not be the best person to be giving advice on being nice, but I do know a couple things about how ridiculous some weddings are. Hopefully this list will help someone, somewhere. Fingers crossed that the next wedding you’re involved with won’t involve a Bridezilla!