Confidence is key. Any mother, speech teacher, or coach could tell you that. What they don't tell you, is how to achieve that confidence. Recently, I asked 100 college-aged men and women "What is your favorite thing about yourself?" The responses were all very genuine. Some took a while to come up with an answer, others responded quickly. Answers ranged anywhere from "my butt" to " I'm great with children with special needs." As I tallied up the totals for each kind of response, I realized that 90% of the people I interviewed found that part of their personality was of more value than their physical appearance. This result is reassuring, to the end that we crave a society where we value our ability to do hard work and be kind over how nice our hair looks on any given day. However, the reality is that young people often do not reflect this ideal of character over appearance to their peers.
Obviously, people wish to portray their best self to others. We are all guilty of it. An Instagram full of selfies and #OOTD posts, spending 15 minutes in the morning choosing an outfit to go to your 9 a.m. bio lab, and matching your shoes, shorts and jersey every day of the week. These things are not bad. I repeat, these things are not bad. It's not my job to shame people for spending time on their appearance (I love painting my nails a new color once a week). However, I do find it interesting that we focus on other people's appearances so much. When going out with friends we base our outfits off of their outfits. We see a girl we don't know on the path and are jealous of her cute boots so we go buy some. We obsess over figuring out how to highlight and get the perfect cat eye because that's what all the beauty bloggers are into right now. Yet when I asked friends, classmates, and passing strangers what they like about themselves, it's was an overwhelming majority saying, "my personality."
Why do we not compliment one another on our heart? I'll wear a new dress to class one day and get 10 compliments on it, but in that same day I won't be told once that people love how passionate I am about education. Even when we see someone acting with selflessness or humility in front of us, we do not often commend them for it. Compliments and words of affirmation are wonderful! Who doesn't like being told great things about themselves? It makes us feel valued-- like we belong and are loved. If that is true for our physical appearance, how much truer must it be when people are complimenting our souls?
So, after reflecting on these 100 people I interviewed and their responses, I have decided to hand write a love-note to one person in my life each week. School is hard, relationships can be stressful, and crises happen. Support your friends and family and compliment them on their character. Make someone's generosity value more than their new hair cut. Let's bring back confidence built from the inside out.
