You may know an INTP, but let me clarify, you almost certainly don't know them. Private, secretive, and encased in a steel-trap mind of logical intellect, they are one of (if not) the most difficult personality types to understand. And for good reason... they don't want you to be able to figure them out!
As the possible risk of betraying my own kind, here are some secrets from deep in the dark vault of INTP data that they never intended you to know.
1. When an INTP smiles back at you in a hallway, it isn't real
Social interaction is awkward and naturally incomprehensible to the strict logic of the INTP's mind. Basic human emotions and responses upon being in the presence of others fall into this illogical sphere. Only by scientifically cataloging through observation that smiling back at someone is a socially acceptable reaction will the INTP be able to carry out such a gesture. Nothing about it is real; it is all a carefully calculated act!
2. The best way for people without the significant cranial capacity to interact with INTPs? Humor!
Even though the concept of basic human emotion eludes their grasp, INTPs' sense of (and response to) humor may be the only real feeling they will share with others.
While smiling to make someone feel good about themselves is a ridiculous, forced action, smiling in appreciation of
3. To an INTP, people are inconsequential meat bags of feelings, nothing more
Yes, all INTP's think themselves naturally superior to others. Occasionally, some people will turn into persons in the eyes of the INTP, but those happenings are few and far between. As far as the INTP in concerned, the rest of the population serves to take up space, waste time, and (in their better moments) provide a moronic comparison with which to better spotlight the brilliance of INTPs.
4. INTP's are plotting your demise, but it isn't personal — after all, you don't matter to them
Any INTP may at any given moment have two or three world-domination plots in mind. Of course, none of them will ever be put in motion, even though they would succeed in making the world a better place. The reason for this?
Why it would be too much trouble for such little reward. I mean, who wants to rule a planet of comparative idiots?
5. INTPs DO have feelings
This is something no INTP will ever freely admit, making it potentially the deadliest of all the secrets I bare before you. You know those emotions INTPs so flippantly bash and appear to utterly disregard, claiming they are entirely immune?
They have them too, only on such a deep, deep level of being that the INTPs are convincingly able to hide them away from view. Unintelligible to their INTP owners, these feelings are a constant source of shame and fear. Shame for having such a vulnerable weakness; fear they may one day lose control and silly emotions like grief and love will become visible to others!
6. INTPs tend to show that they're romantically interested in someone by acting indifferent towards him or her
Of course, that's also how they treat all the people they find uninteresting. If confronted with an indifferent INTP, the best way to determine which of the two categories you fall under is to start up a conversation with them. If they act cool and calculated, you must be boring to them. If they can't respond because their brain appears to have stopped working, you know they're interested.
7. INTPs really can do without physical touch... but once every two years they need a hug
Most of the time the moment passes without anyone ever noticing. But it does happen.
8. INTPs need persons they feel safe around
This may come as a shock, but it's true. Not every day, not all the time. In fact, the most important part of it all is simply the knowledge that persons exist with whom the INTP will always be welcome. The very greatest, most terrible loneliness known to mankind is that which INTPs experience when surrounded by a crowd of strangers.
9. INTPs aren't always as intelligent as they think they are
Um, uh, yeah. That.