Girl-On-Girl Hate In The Greek System: Stopping Internalized Misogyny

Girl-On-Girl Hate In The Greek System: Stopping Internalized Misogyny

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There is something gravely wrong with the Greek system, but let's get back to that.

Most of us are familiar with the term sexism, which is defined by Merriam-Webster as "unfair treatment of people because of their sex; especially: unfair treatment of women." But, unfortunately, there is a more surreptitious type of sexism that not many people know about—something we call internalized misogyny.

According to Cultural Bridges to Justice, internalized misogyny is the "involuntary belief by girls and women that the lies, stereotypes, and myths about girls and women that are delivered to everyone in a sexist society are true."

But is internalized misogyny really our fault?

No, the act is completely involuntary because of the ever-present sexism in our society and culture. We are taught from a young age through socialization that women are inferior beings. So, we compete with one another instead of celebrating our sisters, because society tells us there can only be one smart, funny, and attractive girl in a bunch.

* * *

By no means am I the "perfect feminist," but I believe in girls. I believe in girls supporting girls. And, I once believed that sororities stood for just that, but, it took me accepting a bid into a chapter to learn (and witness) the harsh realities of the Panhellenic world; a world that preaches love and compassion to outsiders but is so heavily draped in internalized hate...

A former sister of mine, Melissa*, shared her own story about our chapter:

"Pam*, was recruiting a PNM (Potential New Member) during a "party" (an allotted amount of time split between different sororities where these PNMs come and meet the sisters of each house) and they were hitting it off—that is, until the PNM took notice of a girl, Josie*, sitting in the corner of the room, playing music for the party. Josie* was working what we call the 'backroom,' aka she runs the ins and outs of recruitment: music, lighting, etc. The PNM–clearly unaware of the roles sisters play during recruitment–asked Pam* if Josie* was also a sister. Pam* took one look over at Josie*, who was overweight and rocking a t-shirt, (which already separated her from the flock of black and gold dresses everyone else was wearing for the party) and responded with, 'No. We just hired her for recruitment.'"

(Screenshots taken from GreekChat.com.)


Young women are paying thousands of dollars to enter into this social elitism only to be ridiculed—all in the name of "sisterhood."

Kristina*, a sister of Alpha Xi Delta, had her own story to share:

“I’ve been told that I’m supposed to play a big part in recruitment come fall semester because I’m one of the ‘prettier’ girls. And we have this anonymous jar in our house that we’re supposed to put “snaps” in [praises, compliments, strictly positive things], which get read aloud during Chapter [a weekly meeting for sisters] in front of everyone, and I had multiple “snaps” put in saying that I am not one of the prettier girls, and if anything, I was going to scare PNMs because I’m Hispanic.”

Sororities have become a breeding ground for insecurity and, as seen by Kristina's* case (as well as a plethora of others), even racism.

It is imperative that we change and we need to eliminate this girl-on-girl hate—inside and outside of the Greek system. Here are some ways we can get over girl hate:

– Stop with the generalized statements. Build other women up instead of tearing them down.

"Women are fake. Women are dramatic. Women are superficial."

Using blanket statements is detrimental because in doing so we are placing women on this otherworldly pedestal where we are divided into categories of pure/virtuous OR lewd/indecent beings. People can be fake. People can be dramatic. People can be superficial. By adding to these kinds of conversations, we are adding to the ever so present misogynistic culture of our society and pitting ourselves against one another as opposed to growing alongside each other. Instead, we should find a truly inclusive sisterhood in our shared struggles. Hasn't society already knocked us down enough? Why should we contribute to the already apparent misogyny of today?

– Respect other women's decisions and respect your own by changing your inner monologue.

There's no single "formula" for being a woman. Some of us are cisgender and some of us become women. Some of us embrace our body hair, some of us shave. Some of us have a little extra meat on our bones, some of us are thin. Some of us become mothers, some of us don't. If we stop focusing on the what other women are doing, we can subdue our urges to judge them.

How we judge others is ultimately how we judge ourselves. In order to stop judging other people, we need to stop judging ourselves. By changing our inner monologue, i.e. how we feel about ourselves, we can change the way we feel about other women, too.


*Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Chapters listed are from various institutions—not just the University of Central Florida. These chapter names have not been included to protect the privacy of individuals.

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.
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Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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Personal Space Is More Important Than Socializing

Stop pretending you don't need a break from your friends (and life).

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Firstly, I would like to say that FOMO is a very real thing.

For those born in the prehistoric era, that means 'fear of missing out'. It's something that definitely came with the age of technology, and the tendency for everyone to post the best aspects of their social lives in an attempt to prove they have one (don't stress, I'm the biggest culprit). It's also something that's potentially destroying our ability to prioritize our need for time alone.

I feel like we're all in a competition to be the most social person in our social media bubbles. I'm sure you can agree there's that pressure lurking every time you do something fun to whip out your phone and make sure you take a snap of it, to prove you actually did something with your day other than binge watch David Dobrik vlogs.

Even when the aspect of social media is removed, FOMO still hangs around. Sometimes I just don't want to go out. I don't want to get out of bed, to get dressed, brush my hair. Sometimes I simply don't want to socialize — small talk is exhausting! But yet, I get that feeling like I really should go out and see people, like I'm not spending my time wisely unless I'm soaking up every chance I get to hang out with friends. It's almost as if everyone thinks your life isn't of value if it isn't spent being around others, and I do agree with this — to an extent.

Before leaving for Alabama, the number one piece of advice I heard over and over was, "say yes to everything!" I was then usually told to make friends with as many people as I could, maybe even say hi to strangers once in a while! Anyone who had been on exchange previously recommended that I immerse myself in every experience that presented itself to me. After all, their favorite memories involved making new, unexpected friends.

I still strongly stand by this idea — I wouldn't have had half the experiences I've had so far if it weren't for this Yes Man mentality. However, I am now past halfway, and all I can say is I'm absolutely knackered. I'm all socialized-out! After being in the company of at least one other person every… single… minute… (I have a roommate) for the last 11 weeks, I can confidently say I've had enough. If I carry on this way, forcing myself to attend any and all outings, I quite possibly could implode… or at least want to crawl under a rock and never talk to anyone again (nearly at this stage already).

One thing I didn't realize until recently is just how much downtime I have to myself at home. Sure, I work or go to Uni most days, and I see my friends as much as possible. I also have my scheduled 6 p.m. family dinner followed by one-hour gossip session with mum each night. But at the end of each day, I would snuggle up in my big queen bed that I had all to myself (I'm single, thanks for reminding me) and finally feel relaxed. That was my designated time to myself that I could look forward to each day. Some nights I just put music on and lay down for hours doing absolutely nothing. That was the point though, I didn't have to do anything, and I didn't have anyone else to worry about.

Now, I might be lucky to get 10 minutes alone each day while I take a shower. Even then, my roommate occasionally drops in to go to the bathroom, and the thin shower curtain is the only thing standing between myself and a mental breakdown. Sometimes I want to hide behind that curtain all day. My happy place is now the small square corner of my bathroom, how sad is that?

I think the notion of spending time alone is severely underrated. Why have we created an idea that it's not OK to want to be alone every now and then? Why do we have to constantly be pushing ourselves to reach out to others and put ourselves out there? I absolutely love meeting new people and making new friends! But you know what else I love? Sitting on the couch with a hot Milo, binge-watching David Dobrik vlogs. So sue me! I think finding time to think about yourself only is just as essential for mental stability as surrounding yourself with friends and family.

After this experience, I know I will never feel ashamed to admit that I am going to miss out on doing something with my friends in order to be alone. It's literally the only thing that keeps me sane! (Can you tell I'm already going a little insane?)

I can now finally understand why mum used to be so happy when the school holidays were over. It's not that she didn't love us, she just valued her personal space! What a smart little lady!

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