Whether it be an interview for a job or the daunting, unpredictable process that is the one of college applications, there is one question I can never get myself to give a genuine, honest answer to - who is your role model?
It's not that I don't have people that inspire me to be a better version of 'me', or don't have specific people who I look up to - I mean, I do, it's just that they don't serve as my role models. I suppose my twelve-year-old-aspiring-baker self might've responded with Buddy Valastro from The Cake Boss, and maybe my current-music-listening-to self could say most members of BROCKHAMPTON due to their creative grind - but this just wouldn't be the complete, genuine, and utter truth.
Earlier this morning, I was asked what inspires me to write these articles - and that's when I realized the reasoning behind my lack of a role model. To "inspire" means to "fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative". And while there is not one single figure I look up to and idolize and aspire to be (aside from Beyonce, but that's a lot of pressure that I do not need right now) - there are several things that inspire me to do, well, all the things that I do.
My emotions and the things that trigger them to occur serve as my role model. Turning on the news and seeing one unfortunate event happening after another inspires me, as does the little acts of kindness that give me the assurance that maybe this world isn't so terribly bad after all. I am inspired by creative discussions and perspectives that challenge my own, and I am inspired by the longest conversations with the people I care about most. I am inspired by the feeling of love; whether it be with another person, a place, or a hobby, and likewise, I am inspired by the feeling of heartbreak - one of the simultaneously best and worst things one can experience. I am inspired by anger, because if you look hard enough, you can create something beautiful out of it. My tears inspire me - whether it be from frustration to the point where they are the only way I can communicate, from being a side effect of laughing so incredibly hard, or from crying my eyes out of sadness… because sometimes, we all just need to let out a good cry.
Music serves as my role model. Watching my friend produce their own music and seeing the way a song is created inspires me, as does listening to the final product that they create. I am inspired by the experience of attending a concert; I've found that one of my "happy places" is in the vast crowd of concert goers, dancing like idiots and singing at the top of our lungs. I am inspired by musicians who speak with their instruments, and by producers who are able to piece together sounds like a puzzle with the common things we hear every day. The idea that two people can hear the same sound differently inspires me - kind of like how you can give two people the same article of clothing, and they can style it in unexpected and contrasting ways. Listening to a song again and again and hearing the message the artist is trying to convey inspires me, as does pressing down a key on the piano or a button on the launchpad that I don't quite know how to fully use. "The process" inspires me, and the fact that I seem to blindly trust it is inspiring all the same. I am inspired by the way a score can entirely change the tone of a film, and likewise, how, sometimes, the only way one is able to speak is without having to say anything at all.
New experiences serve as my role model. Whether they be close to home, or in a land far far away, I am inspired by talking to strangers and hearing their stories and their perspectives. I am inspired by "firsts" - whether it be a new hobby, a new job, a new person, a new anything, really. The fourteen houses and apartments I've had the pleasures of calling "home" (for the most part) inspire me, as do the future "homes" that remain as mysteries to me right now. I am inspired by challenging my own beliefs, and attempting to understand why people are the way they are - even if I entirely disagree with their viewpoints. I am inspired by spontaneous adventures and spur-of-the-moment actions, and I am inspired by the little voice in your head telling you to "just do it" - before doing the thing you were oh-so hesitant to do. Traveling inspires me; talking to a foreigner, adapting to another lifestyle, and appreciating a culture that I am not used to living in. Trying a new food, taking a different route home, and speaking a new language inspires me, as do all of those unexpected moments we could not have ever even dreamt would have happened.
Passion serves as my role model. Surrounding myself with friends who are passionate about what they do inspires me - whether that be filmmaking, music making, photo taking, and all of the other "makings" and "takings" of the world. The fact that my friends serve as some of my top inspirations inspire me in itself, as well as the idea of creating something from nothing. Seeing someone do something because it makes them happy inspires me - because so often, people fall into this trap where they believe they must adhere to social norms and live a planned out lifestyle consisting of cubicles, coffee cups, and countless hours. I am inspired by the zone - that certain mode, or feeling, I get into when I am writing a paper, taking a photo, baking a good, or editing a video. Passion shared between two people inspires me, as well as passion shared between a person and a hobby. Passion manifests differently for everyone, and seeing the way different people express their "passion" inspires me.
To say at the very least, my twelve-year-old-aspiring-baker self would not have been able to tell you that these are the things push my current twenty-year-old-student self to do the things I do. These inspirations that I like to refer to as my "role models" come and go with two things: time and experience. And that's beauty of the whole thing. Everything is constantly a work in progress, and everything is constantly changing (or as my philosophy professor says, 'in flux').
Maybe, my thirty-year-old-hopefully-successful self will have a list of "role model-esque" inspirations entirely different from the ones above. Perhaps my twenty-five-year-old-post-graduate-self will have an existential quarter-life crisis and proceed to embark on an extravagant journey that will give me inspiration I could only dream of. Maybe, my forty-year-old-reality-tv-loving-self will finally fulfill my dream of being a contestant on "The Amazing Race", come in second place, and have a different kind of appreciation for the world around me. Or, maybe, none of these things will happen.
All I know is that my current twenty-year-old-happy-self doesn't have one, solidified role model, and that's completely okay.
