To the girl with insecurities, I see you. I see you hiding, I see the ideal picture of yourself you build, I see the tactics you use, the walls you put up, the masks you wear. I see you because I feel you. I feel that constant struggle with yourself, your worries about how people perceive you and who the world thinks you are. I feel the stress of cultural standards too - the pressure to succeed, to be beautiful, to be perfect.
I scroll through social media every day, seeing you post pictures where you have blurred out your imperfections, whitened your teeth, slimmed your waist and legs in photos. Yeah, I see it, and I am sure others see it too - you aren't fooling anyone except yourself. I talk to you with your "Hi, how are you" attitude. You know, that surface level, shallow interpersonal communication that makes you feel even more distant from social contact than having none at all.
Please don't get me wrong, I am not ragging on you for doing these things. I see why - I was very much guilty of some of this too at one point. It is so easy to cover up, and put out only what is 'acceptable' or 'desirable' and seek affirmation according to standards. We advocate self-love, but only under certain conditions - there is always a 'but'. You can love your curves, but only the perfect, sculpted hourglass curves. You can wear makeup, but only in certain ways and not too much because then you're 'fake'. You can be sad, but only for a little while, then you have to put your 'mask' back on and get over it. We say "it is not selfish to take care of yourself", yet still disappoint when we put ourselves first.
So, I get it, you're 'protecting' yourself - from criticism, being hurt, having flaws, from the harsh hypocrisy of cultural expectations. It is only human nature to protect ourselves. But you can't forget that we are society, we set this pretense, we are this hypocrisy - by feeding into these expectation, and likewise, our insecurities, we are creating this probelm. And look at the cost; Our authenticity, our self-love, our happiness.
It's time to stop. Stop the nonsense, stop manipulating yourself, stop putting up that superficial front. It is not worth it and you are better than that. The only way to stop the expectations and standards is to stop feeding into them and face those insecurities. The you that you cover up, that is the you that you should be. I wish I didn't sound so cliche, but man, it is so true. It is so hard to see the beauty in yourself, believe me I am all too familiar with self-criticism. But, there is something so special and unique about everyone, and why we hide it, perplexes me.
We hear "not thin enough', "not pretty enough', "not involved enough", "not working hard enough", and eventually all we hear is "not enough". But you are more than enough. You are beautiful, you are loved, you are special. I don't even have to know you to say this. You exist, so you are unique, you are intelligent, and you matter. There is no 'but' - the relationship is simple; you exist, therefore, you are enough. '
Covering up' and affirmation are only momentary things that grow your insecurities even more. But self-compassion, confidence, honesty, those things carry out and should never be compromised at the hands of judgement, expectations or criticism.
So, to the girl with insecurities. I see you, I feel you, but I'm calling you out. Everyone is insecure, we are all a mess in different ways. None of us are alone here and we shouldn't pretend like we are. There is no need to hide and manipulate yourself, and by doing so, your empowering the dissimulation put forth in this culture. Face the truth, face yourself, your insecurities, be honest and be the you that you are.
“I think fitting in is highly overrated. I’d rather just fit out… Fitting out means being who you are, even when people insist that you have to change. Fitting out means taking up space, not apologizing for yourself, and not agreeing with those who seek to label you with stereotypes.” -Golda Poretsky
