*Stretches neck, cracks knuckles*
Okay, we can do this. Just one more assignment till I can binge-watch "Grey’s Anatomy" on Netflix. Wait, how many pages is the minimum again? Three? Crap. It’s OK—I’ve got some coffee and a warm fuzzy blanket to keep me motivated. So we’ll just turn the computer on, log into my account, pull up Microsoft Word… but first, let’s pick a playlist to keep me focused. Kanye? No, maybe Panic! At the Disco? What the hell kind of music do I listen to, anyway? Maybe I should check my email before I start writing this paper.
Oh look! I got a discount coupon at Bath & Body Works—might as well look and see what kind of deal it is. They have pumpkin-flavored candles! But, if I order two for $24, should I splurge and get the four for $18 hand soaps to match the scents? The coupon is free shipping…Wait, what am I doing?
All right, back to the paper. So, I need a catchy title. Maybe I’ll just start with my name first. I have a weird name. Autocorrect always wants to change my last name, too. I promise you Microsoft gods, I know how to spell my name. I am not that daft. I wonder how many words three pages actually is. So far, I have about 20 words, including my name, the class, and the word title. I think that’s progress.
*Buzz, Buzz*
Hmm, I have a new text message from my best friend—wonder what’s going on with her. *Opens message* Look at that puppy! It’s so cute! Why is she with a puppy that cute? Why wasn’t I invited to go see said puppy? WTF?! I have to ask her now… She says it’s her friend’s new puppy. I want to go see the puppy. What am I even supposed to be writing about again? Right, a reaction paper on the latest three chapters we read. I don’t think I even did the reading. I mean, in my defense, I skimmed it, that’s practically reading in college right?
I think the worst part is staring at this blank screen. Why can’t papers just magically write themselves? Or why can’t there be some sort of way to just talk out loud, and the words type themselves. I’m pretty good at talking—although it may not pick up my laughing or rambling though…
Writing papers kind of makes me sleepy. I think I should get more coffee. Do I want Starbucks, though? That’s kind of a long walk from my apartment. Maybe I’ll just make some in my kitchen. Oh! That reminds me, I need to clean the counters this weekend. Once I have more coffee and clean those, I’ll totally be in the mindset to write this paper. It’ll be easy!
*45 minutes later*
Wow, that was kind of tiring. At least I drank some coffee. Hopefully that will kick in soon, and I’ll finish my paper in no time. I think I should start by critiquing a class activity we did. It was really interesting, so that’s probably a good start—plus, we’re allowed to use examples from class—I think. Okay, first paragraph done. We are moving and grooving now! Just have to use citations in the second paragraph and viola! A full page is complete. See, this isn’t so bad. I think I deserve a break. With six Facebook notifications staring me down, I should probably go see what’s going on. Who is this creep that added me and messaged me? Do I know you, sir? No, I don’t. Please go away.
Oh! Look at that cat video! I am literally in love with how adorable that kitten was. I need to share that. My best friend has to hate me for posting that terrible photo of me on social media. I am so not photogenic. She needs to take that one down in case the cute boy in our class sees it. That would be mortifying. Oh, crap. It’s almost midnight, and my paper has to be in the Dropbox before midnight. This is not good! Abort! Abort! OK, two more pages, I can do this; I just need to bullshit my way through the chapters I didn’t read. Piece of cake! But wait… where did I even put my textbook?
