Infertility is a condition that my parents know all too well. Infertility is defined as "an inability to get pregnant after having unprotected...intercourse over the course of a year OR an inability to stay pregnant for the length of a normal pregnancy. Infertility is not just a problem for women. It can also be a problem for a man. Sometimes both the woman and the man in a couple have fertility problems."
My parents were married when they were both twenty-two years old, and they did not have me until they were both twenty-nine years old. This wasn't by choice. For years they tried and failed to to have a complete pregnancy, and although they have not shared their emotions behind their infertility struggles with me, every so often I'll hear stories about how my life came to be.
Throughout my life, I have heard stories about my great-grandmother volunteering to carry my parents' baby for them as a surrogate. Grandma successfully brought eight children into the world and knew how badly my parents wanted to have children of their own, and from what my parents have revealed to me, she wasn't entirely joking about the matter. Of course, my parents declined the offer.
During their infertility struggle, my parents had multiple miscarriages. Seven or eight, my mom tells me. After all of this heartbreak, my parents were ready to try adoption. My mom (a woman very fond of writing passionate letters) and dad wrote what I've heard was a very beautiful and moving letter about why they would be the perfect parents, and how their family would complete with children. My parents never got to send that letter, though, because during this time, after years and years of an emotional rollercoaster, my mom got pregnant with me.
Another couple ended up using the letter my parents prepared for adoption, and that couple ended up becoming the proud parents of twins through adoption. My parents were able to help another infertile couple become a mom and dad. How special is that!?
Three months after having me, my parents were pregnant again. Can you believe that? Their life was completely changing. The family they had always imagined having for themselves was coming into shape. My mom wasn't worried about having any testing done on the baby, because after years of longing for babies, she was going to have any babies that God would give her.
During their 16-week sonogram, a snowstorm hit and delayed the sonogram of their baby. It wasn't until my mother was 6 months pregnant with the baby until she realized something was wrong. My baby brother suffered from anencephaly.
Anencephaly, if you don't know, is a "condition that prevents the normal development of the brain and the bones of the skull. This condition results when a structure called the neural tube fails to close during the first few weeks of embryonic development."
There is no cure for anencephaly, nor is there treatment. The only treatment is to make a baby as comfortable as possible. My baby brother was removed from my mother's body and died afterwards.
Naturally, my mom was incredibly broken and hurt after this tragic experience. Her baby was gone. She had one baby at home, but could never take her second baby home. She doesn't like to talk about my brother or the experience with pregnancy or his loss, and I can't blame her. But every now and then, I try to bring it up to learn more about her experience. And every now and then, I wonder if his spirit visits our family to be a part of our lives.
My parents had two more children after losing my brother (who would've been named Anthony after my father): my sister Alexis, who was born in late 1998, and my sister Emily, who was born in 2001.
My parents are the best parents in the entire world. I know, I'm a bit biased, but that's a promise. Infertility is a terrible, terrible condition. But there is hope. My parents did not give up hope, and God did not give up on them. There is always hope. Infertile couples may end up getting pregnant naturally, getting pregnant through IVF, having children via surrogacy, becoming foster parents, or becoming adoptive parents. Whatever the case may be, if you want it bad enough, you will become parents.
