I was raised by a single mother, danced competitively for 14 years and did church ministry for several years. What's the pattern? For my entire life, I have been surrounded by two types of women: strong women who supress their strength for the convience of others and women who are authentically strong and live like it - even if it means they get disapproving remarks along the way.

Why do we criticize independent women and not independent men? What's the big deal if a woman decides to pursue a career rather than a family? Why can't women have both a career and a family? Why do people get so twitchy when women decide to take the bull by the horns and provide for themselves? Why, specifically, is the church so torn about women in leadership? Why is womanhood such a controversial topic?

The fact that these are even questions should bother you, whether your a male or a female.

Bottom line: gender inequality should bother everyone.

In the church, the Proverbs 31 Woman has been thrown around again and again, trying to inaccurately convince women to barracade themselves in their housework. For a while I had a difficult time reading Proverbs 31 for the simple reason that I hate housework and cleaning and everything that seemed to come with the passage. I figured, "if becoming a biblical Betty Crocker is my imminent destiny, I have already failed."

After a while, I went back and decided to read this passage through new lenses. The Proverbs 31 Woman wasn't Betty Crocker, she is a woman who figured out how to balance her marriage and her career. She has the best of both worlds. She delegates duties to her servants, buys and sells fields accordingly and is also generous and kind. She is fierce and strong and doesn't supress her strength for anyone, rather has a husband who encourages her in her success. Proverbs 31:17 says,

"She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. (ESV)"

This woman gets stuff done. I imagine, if she lived today she would be a lawyer or a doctor or a stay-at-home mom who does crossfit. She isn't weak. She's passionate and intense in the best way. She doesn't fake-laugh at jokes because it's the social norm. She doesn't act dumb to make others feel superior. She knows who she is and she lives from the depths of her soul. That is who and what I aim to be.

Being independent, for a woman, means she is living in her God-given identity. She is completely whole by herself and doesn't need a man to define her.

She needs God to define her and that never carries a negative connotation. If a mature and capable man strolls her way, it's icing on the cake.

You should never be intimidated by an independent woman because of how successful she is or how confidently she carries herself. The independent woman is doing what we are all called to be: to be the best person we can be. Telling her that she is wrong for being strong conveys the message that she needs to tone down the god-given strength within her and that is insulting, not only to her but to God. He created her with that strength. What good would it be to anyone to downplay that?

I believe that a lot of healing would come to the church and the world if it acknowledged the strength and capabilities of women, instead of downplaying it. I believe families and marriages would be stronger, businesses would boom and we would see a face of God that we have so desperately been waiting for.

So what do we do to get to this point? It's simple, really.

Let the independent woman be independent and encourage her. Don't let her voice or her success threaten your masculinity, if you're a guy. Get excited about the awesome things God is doing in her life and know that He can and will give you great things in your life as well! Life isn't a competition between genders, it's an adventure novel that we all bring a different chapter to the table.

Bottom line? Encourage everyone to do the things in their heart, male or female. But especially female. It's about time we figured out we're all on the same team.