Around a year and a half ago, I honestly dreaded waking up. Whether it be from a nap or in the morning; it didn't matter how long I had slept.

My life has definitely been a roller coaster this past year. I can never shake the subconscious feeling of not wanting to deal with my emotions in the sense of just not existing at all - but for the first time in a long time... I am falling in love with being alive again.

Granted, I am definitely still healing, and sometimes all I want to do is sleep. But, I no longer get annoyed at the fact that I have to wake up now. If I'm being honest, I just think I am a perpetually sleepy human, although it could just be the fact that I am still depressed even though I think right now I've got a good handle on it.

Lately, my theme song is Kesha's new song, "Rainbow." I have never related to a song so much in my entire life. I'm actually going to go on a bit of a tangent here really quickly because Kesha is very underrated. Even after the case with her producer... I am so proud of her as a human being. She's beautiful and pure, and she's realizing again that this life is hers. It's very inspiring. Kesha is inspiring, her music is beautiful and empowering; but, I digress.

"I'd forgot how to daydream
So consumed with the wrong things
But in the dark, I realized this life is short...
I can't lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold."

Life is short indeed. I don't know why, but sometimes my brain wants me to make it even shorter than it already will be; however, I deserve this life. I deserve to breathe and appreciate the flowers and the sunshine. I deserve to be surrounded by people that love me and to love people like they never knew they could be loved before.

In all honesty, I want to shout from the highest buildings and mountain tops and preach that life certainly can get better in the correct environment - and with a mindset that won't allow us to continuously ruminate. I suppose some cliches are cliches because they can very well play out to be true - like time heals most things.

I used to deliberately plan things months in advance, or even a year in the future, just so that I had things to look forward to. I wanted something to live for. Today, I woke up feeling good and I was happy. For the first time in a while, I was ecstatic to step outside, take the long walk to class, and feel the sun on my skin (even though it's been insanely hot in Orlando lately... jeans are a no go.)

Tomorrow's a new day and I can shape it as I please. I know that "changing your thoughts" is not an easy task, and it takes a lot of time and effort, but I try not to let myself get down even though my anxiety keeps trying to fight me. It likes to tell me that I'm not worth it. But I am worth it.

I deserve a healthy life and I deserve to be happy.