It is not hard to figure out that I am one of the most indecisive people ever.
Just in general. Not specific to any size or kind of issue; I simply struggle to make decisions, ultimately angering my lovely friends who just want to find somewhere to eat for dinner (I am deeply sorry, guys). I fear the aching sensation of regret more than I know that I should, selfishly not wanting to be responsible for a decision that could negatively affect the trajectory of my future.
I have been working to curb this habit of never deciding things ever, but as the magnanimity of a topic grows, so does my fear of regret and my staunch desire to dwell on the situation for far too long, attempting to create a network of fail-safes for every single viable option. Lacking the ability to control what comes next, I want to reinstate what little control I could possibly have by knowing what my actions will be, no matter that with which I am confronted. That is truly a foolish notion, I know - I can't ever be prepared for everything. Instead of making an itemized list of every solution, I simply need to work on the ways to solve a problem and carry that with me wherever I go.
Which makes the daunting destruction of the imposter syndrome all the more upsetting.
Simply put, the imposter syndrome is when you feel as though you are a fraud. This could be in any area of life or study and has the nasty habit of appearing amidst concepts you might be set on pursuing for the rest of your life. The more you learn, the more you realize that you don't know. You begin to doubt yourself and everything you have worked towards because you are being forced to question whether or not you are up to the task. The imposter syndrome works to amplify your weak points until they become the only parts of your knowledge you are able to see. A person can lose sight of their goals so easily when they filter their lives through the lens of their mistakes.
The imposter syndrome is a reality, but it is not and will never be an end.
The imposter syndrome is just another part of life that builds in reflection time for you in your areas of study and passion. It allows you to evaluate yourself and how you will be moving forward, but it should never be allowed to run rampant over your self-esteem. Instead of cherry picking your flaws for in-depth analysis, explore your strengths and how you can put them to use. Take the time to go back to an earlier level of study and remind yourself how far you've come. If you become stuck, do not be shy about reaching out to others and letting them help you better yourself. As you learn more and you see the places you need to reach more clearly, make yourself a schedule of how to get there, fighting all in for what you believe you want to pursue.
Don't put up blinder to your faults, but don't let your faults be your blinders. Find the middle ground and be honest with you about you for you. You may have a long way to go in some areas, but do not forget that you are talented and treasured and your capacity for what you care about can grow in the most unexpected and amazing of ways. Don't think of yourself as a fraud because you will put yourself in a mindset to fail. Consider everything you are doing as a true induction into your passions that will last you a lifetime. You are not learning more just to know you know less, you are learning more to know more.
You are not an imposter. You are not a fraud. You are everything you need to be. Chase after what you love.
