Families have peculiar dynamics these days. Some families are open about everything with each other while some may not even know who’s going where at what time of the day. It’s interesting to me how the environment you grow up in can really shape how you approach relationships with others -- will someone who grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t expressed be as open as someone who grew up in a very open family? Probably not. They will most likely shy away from emotions because they didn’t experience a “safe zone” with emotions while growing up.
Aren’t family members supposed to be the people that you can turn to for literally anything? That was my understanding growing up. My family really exemplified a space where there was no judgment and there was no room for secrets while still respecting each other’s privacy. I’m realizing that not everyone had that luxury growing up. High expectations and “don’t ask, don’t tell,” atmospheres are keeping families from building relationships that go past the surface level. Sisters are hiding stories in fear of them being used against each other, mothers are missing their daughter’s cry for advice, and fathers and dismissing their son’s desperation to be enough.
Don’t get me wrong -- parents should not be their kids’ best friends. Parents have a duty to raise their children in their best interest which will sometimes require punishment and arguments. But they also have a duty to create a home for their kids to come home to and feel safe, not be worried of judgment or being looked down on. Siblings need to learn to stick together. In my opinion, siblings, especially sisters, should provide a completely understanding, safe space to share secrets with. Stories and secrets should not later be turned around and used against one another in a ploy to show weakness in the other. Even the hardest days in life can be made a little easier if you know that you can fall back on your family and be able to count on them to catch you. A phone call to your sister or mother should help take weight off of your shoulders, not cause you more stress because you’re worried that they will use your mistakes against you one day.
You don’t get to choose your family, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of what you have. If you’re feeling trapped in an environment that has left you feeling like you have to be someone you’re not or hide parts of who you are, say something. Be the first to make a move towards an open relationship with the people who really do love you more than anything in their world, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. People can always surprise you and your parents may crave the same open relationship with you that you are craving with them. Be the person to create the safe zone in your home, be the example of what you want your family to be -- set the tone.
