Remember when you were a kid, and you went to a friend's house for the first time and you watched how their family interacted? Maybe your friend came from a completely different background, and you weren't used to how things were for them. It didn't make you any more or less of a friend, but you understood your differences, and more importantly you understood that there were differences. You still sat next to each other at lunch and played freeze tag on the playground together.
Think about yourself, and the similarities and differences that you have with the people in your life. You have an identity. Not just one, but many. You have an identity of race, of sex, of class, of geographic location, of sexual orientation, of religion, of just about everything. The collection of your identities is what makes you who you are. Just like you have your identities, every single person on this Earth has theirs. Your roommate does, your biology professor does, and your best friend does.
Being self-aware is to understand that not everyone has the same identity as you. Not everyone was raised exactly how you were, and while it's completely understandable that you may flock together with those of similar identities, the identities of everyone else are still real and valid.
In some cases, the things you identify with give you privilege.
Privilege is defined as a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people. You can have privilege from all the different kinds of identities I listed above. Being a Christian in this country is a privilege. Being in this country at all is a privilege. Being white is a privilege, and being a man is a privilege. The list goes on. These things aren't privileges because they are better, they are privileges because those who do not identify in the same ways do not have certain rights or advantages, and that is an undeniable truth.
No one is going to crucify you for owning an identity that gives you privilege. That's senseless. More than likely, you didn't choose half of the things you identify with. You didn't ask to be a certain race, or from a good part of town, or to be attracted to whatever sex you're attracted to. You might have been born into your religion and brought up to know only a specific set of values. That's your identity, and that's awesome. The tension comes when individuals don't recognize the privilege they have, or even worse, when their actions have implications that they are superior. Directly or indirectly, not recognizing your privilege perpetuates the nasty reality we live in where groups of people are being marginalized for identities that are equally out of their control.
Like I said earlier, it's just human nature for people with similar identities to associate with each other. It's not necessarily bad, but it's not always good. When the privileged associate with only the privileged, no one is there to hold them accountable. No one is there to offer a different perspective, or to recognize problematic behavior like the use of pejorative adjectives (i.e. "that's so gay"/retarded/etc.). We tend not to think about the way others are affected by what we do and say when they aren't in our immediate social circles. The worst part about it is that these social circles can, and certainly have become institutionalized. We see it in public institutions like schools, police forces, and healthcare centers. We see it in financial institutions. We see it in social entities like Greek life. Do you see the problem yet?
When certain groups are as marginalized and disadvantaged as they have been for years on end, constructs, beliefs, and ideas like feminism, gay rights, reparations, etc. are born. These concepts are the antithesis of discrimination, and all boil down to one simple factor: the right to be you. For the privileged, these things are hard to look at because they hold a mirror up for you to face. They say, "By you not acknowledging your privilege, you have created injustice." That's why it is so important for you to be self-aware. It's just as much about your mindset as it is about your actions. You don't have to apologize for your privilege, but you need to recognize that it exists. The way you act and the things you say in the company of your closest circle need to reflect that mindset. If you wouldn't say it loudly in a room full of strangers from different backgrounds, you probably shouldn't say it at all.
The most important thing to take away from all of this is the idea of true tolerance. You have your ideals and values that could be completely different from someone else's. It's just fine to believe you are right, but it is wrong to use your privilege as leverage to demean another point of view. You need to be well-versed. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. A white man cannot fully comprehend the struggles of an African American female. A cisgender individual will never experience what it feels like to struggle with their sexuality or gender identity like a transgender person might. However, there is a distinct difference between recognizing that you don't know someone else's afflictions, and having an inherent problem with another identity simply because it isn't yours. The worst thing you can do is to invalidate someone else's affliction simply because you don't experience it in your own life.
I constantly hear, "Why am I not allowed to have my own opinion?" Well, an opinion is defined as a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Any opinion that blindly promotes the marginalization of any group is actually not only an opinion, but hate speech as well. Note the difference between hate speech and the opinions of marginalized people to have gender equality, or to have gay rights, or to have better opportunities and advantages in areas with poor socioeconomic spreads.
I'm not asking you to be the "PC police" every second of your life. However, if the idea of being politically correct is exhausting to you, then you probably need to check your privilege. Recognize that while you may believe one thing, not everyone does. It is never alright to speak against anyone else's identity, especially if they are fighting for the same rights that you have. You can live your life and they will live theirs. Who knows, maybe one day we'll all be able to play freeze tag out there together.
