“Go to college,” they said. “It will be the time of your life,” they said. They never said that college could quite possibly bring out the worst in a young woman. It begins with taking the minds of the naïve and the impressionable. You walk through the doors of your tampered dorm room, repeating the words, “Welcome home!” You hug your two roommates and jump with excitement. Your parents hand you all the cash in their pockets and step back into the Ford Expedition you know all to well. All that is left is their tire tracks heading back home and your eventual freedom to explore. Until one day, you don’t feel like exploring anymore.
It is a cycle of making decisions that you never thought you would make. College, to be brutally honest, can mentally kick the s*** out of a girl. With constant expectations to look like this and act like that is more than an eighteen to twenty-something year old can handle. We compare and criticize each other in order to make ourselves feel better or feel belittled. During the weekdays, we go to class and try and find our purpose in a career that we are probably uncertain about. I can guarantee that more college students have no idea what they want to pursue in life than are admitting. Along with that constant pressure to succeed in a career path, girls are faced with “succeeding” socially and physically. Females in college are socially supposed to be peppy and proper and never prude. We are physically supposed to be toned and trimmed and tweezed to perfection. As time passes, it strips away the morals a girl entered college with.
Personally, I did not have the most pleasant experiences in college. Freshman year, I found myself surrounded by many great friends and closely knitted relationships. As freshman year came to an end, the expectations for a thriving sophomore year were more than high. That was not the case. I am the definition of a girl who wanted to fit in. I did not associate myself in a sorority as most of my girlfriends. I found myself alone most of the time because of that decision. That lonesome feeling drove me to drink. And drink. And drink. I tried to keep up with the guys more or less. Next thing I know I am waking up in a hospital bed with tubes and needles protruding my drunken skin. I was dazed and confused but the sad part is, there was a girl in the bed next to me just as drunk. We were in the same situation. Two twenty-something year old girls who drank too much to keep up with what everyone else was doing. This is what altered my perception towards college.
I am sure that whoever is reading this is saying, “She made the choice to drink that much,” and I admit, I had the ability to control my decisions. The only difference is that I was influenced socially. I wanted to conform to my surroundings in order to fit a social standard. I now drown in a monsoon of hospital bills and I take full responsibility. Afterwards, I became a person I did not recognize. I felt that I had turned into a person who was just known as the drunk girl. I found myself looking in every mirror not recognizing who I had become. I did not like what college turned me into. I had never felt so introverted and isolated. This weighed on my shoulders for the entirety of sophomore year.
The summer passed in a blink and I had made it to Junior year. With a heavy heart and many tears, I eventually made the decision to leave my current university and transfer to a school closer to home. Why? Well, if you may ask, I noticed something most college females do not. I was becoming mentally unhealthy. I was in fact facing with what I now personally know as depression. I did not plan for that to happen. It just did. Little did I know that this is very common in college females, many of which do not speak up. Well here I am, speaking up. College is a never-ending rollercoaster of insecurities and bad decisions. These insecurities press against the fragile minds of young college females and is what drives those reckless decisions. Just ask me or the girl next to be in the hospital beds. I am speaking with the voice of hundreds, maybe thousands of college girls who have felt this emptiness inside. College does not have to be sunshine and daisies 100% of the journey but it most certainly should not drive a girl to feeling like she no longer belongs. I am not an example of a perfect college student. I hope that this note, if it is ever to be publicized, sheds light on the girls who feel just as I did. Share your voice and be strong. It is never too late.
Sincerely,
An Imperfect College Student
