Dear little sister,
I remember holding you the very first time in the hospital, you were this fragile little thing, so peaceful and yet already the bane of my very existence.
Growing up you were not a fan favorite. You were loud and annoying, and got me in trouble for things I "mostly" never did. You would take jokes from shows you watched on TV and recite them only to get laughs from a crowd. You never knew the words to the songs I sang in the car and would try to make them up as you went along.
Sometimes you would borrow my things without asking, which I would still like to remind you is stealing. Then you would dirty them up in your own little gross way. Worse than that though, sometimes I would come down in a green sweater, dark washed jeans, and brown boots and you would come down shortly after matching me head to toe.
But that was then and this is now. I’m not writing this because you are annoying or a pain, even though you usually are. I’m writing this because I feel as though I have failed you as a sister.
When you were born I went from the little sister to older sister, and that meant big changes. This meant hearing “be nice to her, she looks up to you” and “set a better example for your sister” way more than I ever thought necessary.
As much as I didn’t want to agree, this was a fair expectation from mom and dad. But I never showed you the sister you needed growing up. I remember certain times where I let you down.
You just wanted to play mermaids in the bathtub in our swimsuits. You just wanted to come along for the ride, even if it meant you were told to sit in the back seat silently. You always wanted “just one hour” of me playing Barbies with you. And I never was able to see those precious moments, that are now lost.
But look at yourself bug, look how old you are. Look how beautiful you have gotten and how strong you are. Look at the world and how you have it all at your fingertips.
Mom always told us growing up that one day we would be best friends, but I was sure that would never happen. Look how wrong I was. Sometimes I look at you and get to see a piece of me inside of you. Your personality and love for others is something I can only hope comes from watching me.
Although I love the girl you have become, I still feel I have let you down. I’m so sorry I never saw it this way, but I was so lucky to have you growing up. I need you to understand now though, that I will always be here for you.
When I was your age I felt like I didn’t have many places I could turn to, because I always felt like my problems were insignificant. Don’t ever feel like that. Now and forever your feelings are justified and important to me.
The world is going to knock you down because it’s going to feel threatened by your courageous heart. I promise you that every day somebody or something will make you feel like you aren’t enough, but I’m here to tell you that you always have been.
Girls will be mean and knock you down because you stand up for the ones being left out. Your heart is so kind and so pure, you stand up for yourself and others because that's what we were taught and what the world needs.
People will hurt you based on the very things that you are insecure about. I know the hidden things that you don’t love about you and make you feel like you aren’t pretty, but sweet girl, you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful!
Lastly, what feels like the end some days will mean nothing to you when you’re my age. I am so happy with who I am and who I surround myself with, but it hasn’t always been this easy. I remember my first loss of a friend and first break up; but things do get better.
Just know, if I could go back in time I would have had a ‘sissy sleepover’ any night you wanted. Because now we are separated more than we are together, and all the text messages aren’t enough.
You hold secrets of mine that I know you will always guard with your whole heart.
Manipulating mom and dad will always be easier with your help.
And you look at me in such a wonderful way as nobody has before.
My little love bug, I am more proud of you than anybody in the world. Little did I know that everything I ever did was going to be remembered by the one person I cherish most.
