Is it possible to feel two paradoxical personality traits without it manifesting into such uncertainty and confusion? Where you lie along both sides of the spectrum of both extrovert and introvert, and know exactly what you're feeling?
I wish these contrasting feelings were simple to understand, and yet here I am, lost more than ever.
Most people consider me an extrovert, since that personality gets most attention. I enjoy leisurely time with friends and go out every weekend. I force all my friends to come out with me. I surround myself with those I care about. I crave interaction because it's a necessity of mine. However, I also desire time to myself with no distractions. There often times I'm surrounded with my sorority sisters whom I love to death, although I'd rather be anywhere but there with them. I may let them talk, as I sit, listen, and enjoy the company of others. And than sometimes I'd rather lay in bed, than establish small talk on topics I have zero interest in.
Listen, I love to engage in conversations and meet new people. Although, I prefer quality over quantity. I want deep and meaningful chatter, not lighthearted banter that dies out minutes later. If that's the case, I'd rather be in the comfort of my own bedroom, alone.
For some obscure reason, I have days I need social interaction, and days I need isolation. I can desire hours beyond hours of a day with my friends and enjoy myself, while one day later I conceal myself and hide out in my apartment.
My issue is I am so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I'm uncertain how to even identify myself. My brain runs in a million different directions, I constantly deal with conflicting emotions. I either spend too much time surrounded by others and need to recharge, or spend hours alone, and crave interaction quickly afterwards.
I guess you can say it's an oxymoron to surround yourself with people, and close yourself off, and yet that's how I live. I'm oriented neither towards the outer world or the inner world, but them both. I'm content with it, even though it's confusing, and at times I feel misunderstood. I just have to view it as a balance and embrace those qualities in myself, rather than try and mask it.
