Have you ever faced imaginary rejection?
Not the kind of rejection from someone blatantly telling you, "Thank you for applying, however, we have filled the position," or studying for something really hard but not getting the outcome you want.
I'm talking about the kind of rejection that fills your mind and takes over your thoughts.
The kind of rejection that fills your chest and swims into your heart to the point where you're lost in a sea of hurt.
The kind of rejection that you see in the smiles of others.
The twinkle in their eye telling you that you're not good enough.
The shimmer in their phony smile that subliminally hints that they'll talk about you later.
The silent void that cascades the room when you walk in.
The hollow feeling in your chest that sinks you to your knees and causes you to clutch your chest, in fear if you let go you'll disappear.
I think the worst kind of rejection is imaginary rejection.
But what if…what if the rejection you saw in the smiles of others, was really love, kindness, and care for you? What if the words spoken about you later are about how kind you are, how you're so passionate and they admire how you put your heart and soul into everything you do?
What if the twinkle in their eye telling you that you're not good enough was a twinkle of admiration? Happiness to see you? Maybe them setting their eyes upon you and feeling your embrace was really the highlight after their long day? What if the silent void was perhaps really others waiting to get started, and it was all an utter coincidence? What if the hollowness you feel in your chest could be mended by surrounding yourself with those who believe in you and want the utter best for you and your goals, dreams, and desires?
I think that imaginary rejection is the worst kind of rejection that manifests from our thoughts of worry, self-doubt, and could perhaps be created out of fear of attachment. Maybe it's created out of fear of the unknown of opening ourselves up to others, allowing them to fully get to know our true selves.
Imaginary rejection is the worst kind of rejection. Our mind tricks us sometimes into perceiving things that aren't there or aren't in our realm of understanding. If we have a negative outlook on ourselves, who's to say imaginary rejection doesn't grasp our minds and take advantage of our vulnerable state and manipulate our hearts?
Remember not to be too hard on yourself. Trust when others say they love you, they mean it. Trust that when others say they are here for you, they are. Trust that when others value you and your thoughts, they do. Sometimes, taking a leap of faith on others can be the scariest, yet rewarding things we grant ourselves. Sometimes it pays off to trust others intentions.
This is why imaginary rejection is the worst kind of rejection.