Apologizing is something that is necessary in some circumstances, but there is a fine line between that and over-apologizing. Sometimes over-apologizing comes with "being a nice person."
Over-apologizing has become a habit for me, even when I did nothing wrong. Sometimes I just wanted people to like me, so I would apologize just to keep them as friends.
There's even sometimes where I say sorry for saying sorry. It's gotten to the point where it's my default response for so many things.
Replace negativity with gratitude.
Instead of saying, "I'm sorry that I just vented to you," say," thank you for listening and letting me be vulnerable."
Instead of saying, "I'm sorry for being late," say, "thank you for waiting for me."
Instead of saying, "I'm sorry for saying sorry" say, "thank you for understanding that I have this habit."
Saying "I'm sorry" degrades yourself to make it seem like you are burdensome.
It puts you in a weak position by apologizing for something that wasn't your mistake. This weak position puts us in a place where someone can take advantage of us. People then expect an apology and will manipulate that part of you.
Then, as you start to apologize so much, "I'm sorry" loses its meaning. That negativity that comes with the word sorry is something that makes you feel guilty, even when you shouldn't be.
Start sparing your apologies and using them for legitimate circumstances.
Saying thank you gives value to the recipient and to you. Instead of degrading the situation, thank you can uplift the situation. Giving gratitude to that friend, family member, or significant other makes them feel like they are appreciated and valued.
Now, I'm not saying to not say sorry at all. There are definitely circumstances where apologies are needed.
What I challenge you to do is to really notice where and why you say sorry.
Look at your text messages, emails, or recent conversations.
If you find yourself apologizing, evaluate if it was valid for an apology or if you were over-apologizing.
If it wasn't valid, find out a way that you can stop yourself the next time and share your gratitude instead.
Because over-apologizing is so automatic, get an accountability partner.
Find someone to text you or nudge you in conversations where you apologize.
Start with the little things.
If you're walking and someone leaves the door open for you, instead of saying "I'm sorry" for being slow or farther behind, say "thank you for waiting."
If you forget to respond to an email, instead of saying "I'm sorry" for the late response, say "thank you for your patience."
Celebrate the little victories.
The small steps are towards a big change, I promise.
It takes 14 days to start a habit.
Start today to change the "sorry cycle."
