I'm So Much More Than 'Pretty,' But 'Pretty' Always Defines Me

I'm So Much More Than 'Pretty,' But 'Pretty' Always Defines Me

is it just crazy to say that I want to be fired when I know I should be fired?
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I really hate saying I admit that I am pretty.

But for this article, nothing will make sense unless I admit to it. I'm also the type of person who sees the beauty in literally anyone. I don't have a type when dating, which people are shocked by, because no one understands how I see some people attractive.

So 'pretty' is not a big deal to me, but to everyone else it is. I'm so much more than pretty, but pretty always defines me.

In high school, all the people I wished to be friends with always thought that since I am pretty, I must be a bitch. I must be judgmental, or I must have a bunch of guys lined up. I must spend hours on my makeup and hair and I probably used all my free time shopping and gossiping. The truth is, I spent 20 minutes tops on my makeup because I routinely did it everyday and I wake up super late. I have asian hair, that means it's literally straight on its own. I didn't have a lot of guys lined up whatsoever because I was more of a dude than all my guy friends anyway. And also, I wanted to be friends with theatre kids and the people that played video games in the game room during lunch. I loved admiring the emo-kids hair colors and makeup looks because I played with many hair colors and looked at makeup as art and listened to some of the same music myself. I was attracted to the really smart and nerdy guys, because they seemed clean and didn't care to be huge drinkers on the weekends. I liked guys who could think past looks and guys I can learn from. But since I was considered pretty in high school, it seemed like everyone avoided getting to know me. No one wanted to be "judged" by me, when they were the ones judging me. Only the people who knew me from earlier, like grade school, knew that I would talk to anyone and remained saying hey every so often. But I also got a sense that people would have believed I changed into someone else because I started getting more friends, because I was pretty.

In the work force, it honestly seems like I get hired because I am pretty. But I have zero confidence in myself in the work force, and most of the time I cannot comprehend tasks given to me. I know I frustrate some people, and maybe it's because they see me as a new inexperienced worker. But when I am given a task that has no challenges and am not helping the company or store whatsoever, why am I needed? What is this good for? I want to be taught, I want my head sunk in the water sometimes.

I want to be yelled at if I am doing something wrong, and... is it just crazy to say that I want to be fired when I know I should be fired?

In these years, my early 20s, I am starting to date for the first time because I've been in a 7-year relationship that I broke off. I've noticed that going to bars brings up some confidence, because I am pretty, but that's just it. I know the bar scene is ridiculous to even analyze, because it's busy and loud and guys need to really impress me to get my number and then move forward. So yeah, I understand I have to be pretty to them first. But I feel there's so much more to me, that I am too eager to share who I am to someone wanting to know me. So when going on these dates, I get excited per usual, and every date seems to be great, except one thing. Guys seem to not really want to get to know me. They want to impress me in all ways possible before that "let's call it a night" comes out of my mouth. So I basically find myself sitting there, listening to their stories while I get to be the one to finish all my food cause I am not talking. I am the only one asking questions because I genuinely want to know the person behind that face.

I'm not just your arm candy.

This is where I use writing on this site to express who I really am, because sometimes it just seems like all I am known for is being pretty. I wish to be known for more. It's kind of like, those darkest thoughts you think of when you wonder what people would say about you when you die. Will anyone know the real me? How much of a scatter-brained, deep thinking, awkward lonely dork I really am? And not just someone with a pretty face who must have her shit together who doesn't have any feelings?

I'm so much more than pretty, but pretty always defines me.

Cover Image Credit: Sharen Hau

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When You Give A Girl A Dad

You give her everything
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They say that any male can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad. That dads are just the people that created the child, so to speak, but rather, dads raise their children to be the best they can be. Further, when you give a little girl a dad, you give her much more than a father; you give her the world in one man.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a rock.

Life is tough, and life is constantly changing directions and route. In a world that's never not moving, a girl needs something stable. She needs something that won't let her be alone; someone that's going to be there when life is going great, and someone who is going to be there for her when life is everything but ideal. Dads don't give up on this daughters, they never will.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a role model.

If we never had someone to look up to, we would never have someone to strive to be. When you give a little girl someone to look up to, you give her someone to be. We copy their mannerisms, we copy their habits, and we copy their work ethic. Little girls need someone to show them the world, so that they can create their own.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her the first boy she will ever love.

And I'm not really sure someone will ever be better than him either. He's the first guy to take your heart, and every person you love after him is just a comparison to his endless, unmatchable love. He shows you your worth, and he shows you what your should be treated like: a princess.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her someone to make proud.

After every softball game, soccer tournament, cheerleading competition, etc., you can find every little girl looking up to their dads for their approval. Later in life, they look to their dad with their grades, internships, and little accomplishments. Dads are the reason we try so hard to be the best we can be. Dads raised us to be the very best at whatever we chose to do, and they were there to support you through everything. They are the hardest critics, but they are always your biggest fans.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a credit card.

It's completely true. Dads are the reason we have the things we have, thank the Lord. He's the best to shop with too, since he usually remains outside the store the entire time till he is summoned in to forge the bill. All seriousness, they always give their little girls more than they give themselves, and that's something we love so much about you.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a shoulder to cry on.

When you fell down and cut yourself, your mom looked at you and told you to suck it up. But your dad, on the other hand, got down on the ground with you, and he let you cry. Then later on, when you made a mistake, or broke up with a boy, or just got sad, he was there to dry your tears and tell you everything was going to be okay, especially when you thought the world was crashing down. He will always be there to tell you everything is going to be okay, even when they don't know if everything is going to be okay. That's his job.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a lifelong best friend.

My dad was my first best friend, and he will be my last. He's stood by me when times got tough, he carried me when I just couldn't do it anymore, and he yelled at me when I deserved it; but the one thing he has never done was give up on me. He will always be the first person I tell good news to, and the last person I ever want to disappoint. He's everything I could ever want in a best friend and more.


Dads are something out of a fairytale. They are your prince charming, your knight in shinny amour, and your fairy godfather. Dads are the reasons we are the people we are today; something that a million "thank you"' will never be enough for.

Cover Image Credit: tristen duhon

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College Can Be Difficult, But Trust Yourself, Girl

Life can throw you curveballs sometimes, and times can get tough, but it is SO important to pick yourself up and trust that you can do anything.

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I'll be honest, this school year was one of the hardest years of my life. There were lots of moments throughout the year that I just wanted to go home and get away from it all. I had to be reminded that I have been raised to try as hard as you possibly can, and I was doing that. It took some determination and time, but I didn't give up.

No matter how bad I felt, I stayed and persevered.

Now that I am home for the summer, I have been reminiscing on the past two semesters of school. At the beginning of the school year, I had a much different idea of how it would go. It was going to be "my year," but somehow while the year was going on, I felt that I had been completely wrong. It's easy to come to quick conclusions when life doesn't exactly go your way. Conclusions like "this year has been the worst year ever" and "I can never get a break" were often popping up in my head. My grades weren't where I wanted them, and I was surprised by a lot of occurrences that I never expected to happen (imagine a wild ride). I found out who my true friends are and who I could rely on, and luckily, my circle only grew. Being extremely extroverted, it was hard for me to get out and just do something. Being in this "rut" took a toll on me. I had to make those hard decisions about doing what was best for me in the long run instead of doing something just for the moment. Trust me when I say, this was NOT easy at all.

Through all the tears and change all around me, I decided to proceed to the finish line because I am NOT a quitter.

I decided that it was time for me to allow myself to fully, undeniably be me. I wanted to start doing the little things I enjoy again like working out, taking pictures, and simply just going out to do anything. I started forcing myself to take any opportunity that came my way, and it helped. One of the things that brought me so much joy was kickboxing – talk about therapeutic, people! Kickboxing at least three times a week helped my mood shift so much, and it was a start to seeing me again. I am so blessed with friends who would come over at, literally, any time of the day. Spending time with them helped me more than they could ever know. We did anything from just hanging out in my living room to splurging on a fun dinner. Through everything that I was doing daily, I was learning how to rely on myself. Looking back now, I have never really had to know what it felt like to rely mainly on myself. I did get so much help from my family and friends, but what good could their help do if I didn't want to help myself first?

Even though I felt like this was one of the worst years of my life, it taught me so much more than I ever expected. Looking back now, I grew so, so much. I learned how to smile when times get tough. I learned that it really is okay to not be okay sometimes, and it will be okay eventually. I learned that it's okay to ask for help because we weren't made to do life alone. Most importantly, I learned how to trust myself. My hope for anyone reading this, you will learn from my experience that the worst seasons get better. I am in such a good place right now because I never gave up, and I will continue to never give up. In a short amount of time, I am seeing how far I have come and how much I grew.

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