I Can Feel Myself Slipping Away, And I Don't Know What To Do

I Can Feel Myself Slipping Away, And I Don't Know What To Do

When will I be able to breathe without burden?

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I'm feeling myself slipping away, I'm feeling the magic disappearing, and I'm feeling I am losing my point.

I know something is wrong. I know something is off and I'm squinting to find where that missing piece is, but I can't find it. I've been like this for a while now. My smiles are becoming forced, my to-do list is piling up, and life is moving on but I'm just sitting here, numb. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I don't know if I'm depressed or if I just simply don't care anymore, but I know I've lost something. Things that used to motivate me and give me inspiration are now dull and pointless.

Sometimes I think I've lost my spark. That the reason I have no motivation anymore is that I've lost my "why". I need to find a new purpose and get to be the super successful person I know I can be. But then I think no, that's not it.

Sometimes I think it's my lack of socialization. I'm constantly working and studying and not giving myself enough time to relax. Maybe if I had just one day where I sat and did nothing and treated myself to a good movie with some takeout and hung out with a few friends, it might get better. But that's not it either.

Sometimes I have no answers. I just sit there, feeling like a blank disc that has a scratch. Something keeps skipping. I'm missing something. I can feel myself slipping away and I know something is wrong but what do I do?

My friends are here, and my family is right by my side. They are the best support network and I know I can get through this, whatever it is. My spark is gone and I'm groping through the dark to find it. I'm lost. I know I am. But how did I come to be here?

I watch the homework pile up, the messages with their robotic responses roll in, and me, sitting there with distraction after distraction, ignoring what is happening.

For once, I don't know what to do.

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Why I Will Tell My Children To Wait Until Marriage

Abstinence isn't just a religious thing.
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Having grown up in the Bible Belt, I was an avid church goer as a child. Both the church and my parents preached at me that "abstinence is key." They always just said that you shouldn't do anything with someone before you're married because it is just the right thing to do. I always heard that it was just frowned upon, I didn't know that it could be devastating in the future.

Many of us don't wait until marriage. In today's society, abstinence isn't exactly the top priority of our generation. Personally, I didn't wait and fell into the demographic of being "normal." I thought maybe I could find love. I believe most girls convince themselves they can marry just about anyone down the road because it helps us accept what we do. When you are doing what everyone around you seems to be doing, it makes it feel as though it isn't as "wrong" as you thought it was when you are growing up.

Until I met the love of my life, that was my mindset. It wasn't necessarily wrong and it didn't impact anyone other than myself. It turns out I was very wrong. After numerous liars and jerks, I finally found the man that I have always wanted. The guy who gives us that dream that we all have as little girls, but gave up on as we grew older. Neither of us waited until marriage, and neither of us thought of each other. We didn't know each other until we started dating, but we didn't think of the one that we would one day marry. I never knew how someone's past could devastate me. I struggle daily with insecurities and comparisons to the girls he has been with. I don't want to, but I can't help it. I know that he feels the same way about my past. It causes distrust in a society where distrust is already easy enough to have. I never wanted to be that girl that compared myself to others, but it's hard not to think about the other girls and if they were better or if he still thinks about them.

This is why I will tell my children to wait. Not just because God says so, but because it does involve someone other than themselves. It hurts the one they end up marrying. It hurts them later in life. I want my children to do their part of not instilling this lack of confidence that I find myself struggling with. Maybe we can raise our children to be a generation where sex isn't just sex, and it means something again. If abstinence isn't appealing to you because of God, maybe it can appeal to you when you think of that dream guy or girl. Wait for him. Wait for her. Wait for yourself.


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15 Winter Dates For Couples Who'd Rather Snuggle Indoors Than Step Foot Outside

Do I wanna build a snowman? Uhhhh NO!

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Christmas time in New England can get pretty damn cold. I mean, we do have a few warm days, but for the most part, it's cold, windy, and sometimes snowy out. Now, if you're anything like me and you don't like the cold, typical Christmas dates might not be for you, but luckily there's plenty of cute dates that don't involve venturing out in the freezing abyss.

So get your hot chocolate, eggnog, ugly sweaters and festive pajamas ready because here are 15 fun winter dates that don't involve you and your partner leaving the house at all.

1. Ginger bread house competition

2. Classic Christmas movie marathon

3. Hallmark movie marathon

Only because my boyfriend's mom LOVES them.

4. Okay so really just any Christmas movie marathon.

SANTAAAAAA

5. Making Christmas ornaments

6. Paper snowflake making competition

7. Baking and decorating (and eating!) Christmas cookies

8. Dance around to Christmas music

9. Make each other a new stocking

10. Write a letter to Santa

Super silly but super cute.

11. Take cute Christmas pictures

Giphy

Perfect time for those ugly Christmas sweaters or Christmas pajamas.

12. Decorate the Christmas tree

And you know the rest of the inside of the house.

13. Wrap presents together

14. Hang a mistletoe and kiss under it

15. Stay up tracking Santa

Don't forget to leave milk and cookies out for him, and carrots out for the reindeer.

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