I'm feeling myself slipping away, I'm feeling the magic disappearing, and I'm feeling I am losing my point.
I know something is wrong. I know something is off and I'm squinting to find where that missing piece is, but I can't find it. I've been like this for a while now. My smiles are becoming forced, my to-do list is piling up, and life is moving on but I'm just sitting here, numb. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I don't know if I'm depressed or if I just simply don't care anymore, but I know I've lost something. Things that used to motivate me and give me inspiration are now dull and pointless.
Sometimes I think I've lost my spark. That the reason I have no motivation anymore is that I've lost my "why". I need to find a new purpose and get to be the super successful person I know I can be. But then I think no, that's not it.
Sometimes I think it's my lack of socialization. I'm constantly working and studying and not giving myself enough time to relax. Maybe if I had just one day where I sat and did nothing and treated myself to a good movie with some takeout and hung out with a few friends, it might get better. But that's not it either.
Sometimes I have no answers. I just sit there, feeling like a blank disc that has a scratch. Something keeps skipping. I'm missing something. I can feel myself slipping away and I know something is wrong but what do I do?
My friends are here, and my family is right by my side. They are the best support network and I know I can get through this, whatever it is. My spark is gone and I'm groping through the dark to find it. I'm lost. I know I am. But how did I come to be here?
I watch the homework pile up, the messages with their robotic responses roll in, and me, sitting there with distraction after distraction, ignoring what is happening.
For once, I don't know what to do.