I have never condoned selfishness. Ever. I firmly believe in helping others and doing whatever you can to the best of your ability to help someone in need. Except in college.

Being in college for nearly a year now, I have learned that not putting yourself first is the most stress-inducing habit I have gotten myself into. For the first semester, I struggled to get any assignments done on time because I worried too much about helping others with their assignments and seeing others do well in spite of my own struggles. I work part-time, and I began putting my job above my schoolwork. I started to edit tons of papers after work for other people and make suggestions and edit again and again when I hadn't even started an essay that was due the next day. I also loosely spent all my money on others. I spent almost all my income for the first few months of my job on Christmas gifts, dinners for my boyfriend and expensive coffee that I really didn't need. I kept thinking "It's fine! I'll make more money" and "I still have four hours to write this rough draft and essay! No big deal!" However, this took a huge tole on my body that I was not aware of.

The stress began to eat away at me. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping, I started cleaning in the middle of the night just to clear my head. I stopped talking to the people I love back home and I stopped worrying about them because I had to focus on helping who was in my life right in front of me. I worried so much about everyone else that I stopped caring about myself. I gave up on even trying to look good every day (which it really doesn't matter what I look like, but it brought my self-esteem down). One day I just stopped and looked in the mirror and realized how thin I'd gotten, how hollow my eyes were, and how much I had on my schedule for the next two weeks.

I decided that that wasn't going to be okay anymore. I stopped helping people with their assignments, I started talking to my old friends again, I called my mom, I even put a little makeup on! In this process, I honestly have not made tons of friends this year. The way I have experienced this, the people you help now might not even care to remember your name later. You could stress and stress about hoping they do well, and they just will not care. I know faces, and I say hi, and on occasion I have a conversation, but no one is truly a good friend of mine. And it's okay. I don't care. This is my future that I need to focus on for myself. I am selfish, and it's a healthier way of living.

I am helpful and selfless by nature. I have a want to help people. It is just better to engross in myself than others at this time in my life. I'm not saying don't make friends and devote yourself to studying. Having friends can be extremely selfish in the best way because the time spent with them is time to relax and unwind.

College will always be stressful no matter what, but focusing on yourself will make things a thousand times easier.