I've known for probably my whole life that I wasn't straight. I didn't know what any of that meant when I was a kid, but at that point in life, there are much bigger problems, like what flavor juice box is in my lunch.
As I got to middle school, I started to learn about relationships beyond a man and a woman. Then, even in high school, my knowledge of gay, straight, or bisexual were completely challenged by non-binary and transgender. Everything I thought I knew about relationships was swept out the window.
And I loved it.
I began to see relationships and sexuality as this free flowing form that didn't need a particular shape. It's not like a magnet; opposites don't always attract.
On the rise of the LGBTQ+ community and their fight for their rights, I learned about things like pansexuality and demisexuality. For a while, I identified with both of those terms.
I thought I had to pick a label or a term for myself. I could have multiple, but I had to pick from a long list of terms to identify as, and that never really felt right.
As funny as this may sound, I didn't know that I could simply identify as queer. I genuinely thought I had to pick one of many umbrella terms, but I didn't, and it felt like a sigh of relief once I realized this.
But there was still this bubble of tension inside of me, and it was attached to demisexuality. For a long time, I thought I was stretching the idea, like the Label Police were going to knock on my door and say, "You aren't actually demisexual, stop calling yourself that."
Or something similar.
But time kept passing, and the more I thought about it, demisexual was one of the few terms that actually felt right, like my own glass slipper.
That doesn't mean I don't face some idiocy when saying that I identify as demisexual. A lot of the time, after explaining that I need to feel an emotional connection with someone before the thought of pursuing them sexually crosses my mind, people respond with, "Oh my God, me too!"
I won't deny anyone of identifying with whatever term makes them feel comfortable, but just saying you need someone with a personality is not the same thing as demisexuality. I get that people want to understand what it feels like, but wanting a person who makes you laugh isn't the same.
People will always be blissfully ignorant and that's okay, as long as they're willing to listen and understand new ideas. As a teen, it took me years to build up the courage to ask the difference between cis and non-binary. I was afraid of being yelled at for simply not knowing the definitions.
Regardless, my understanding of sexuality has been turned upside down and backwards since I was a little kid. But always trust your gut because sometimes you were right all along.
