England, the United Kingdom, is an amazing place. It is a country that is steeped in magnificent landscapes: white cliffs, rolling hills, and quaint villages. It is also a place that has a rich and diverse culture and an amazing history. It is a global hotspot that many people want to visit. Not me, I’m not ready.

Four years ago I stepped on to a United airplane to LAX with a one-way ticket from Heathrow Airport in London. I left behind my English identity, and gained a new one, as I became a United States permanent resident.

Making the move to the U.S. was a huge change and something I was very reluctant to do.   I had to really step out of my comfort zone and have faith that I could survive in a completely foreign place.  Now I see that it was something that I needed to do, but it didn’t make it any less hard.

Change is a tough but exciting journey for anyone. We think that by making a new decision we are challenging ourselves. In reality it is the steps after, to bring about that change, that are the hardest. 

In my case this included 1½ years applying and waiting for a green card, finishing school, selling our family home and finding a new place to live in the U.S. 

Jumping on a flight was easy. It was settling into a new country, and a completely foreign high school system, that shook me up. If that wasn’t bad enough, I now know that the hardest part is about to come: looking back and facing what I left behind.  

It’s been a long time since I visited England and I am not ready to go back. California has become part of me. I’m blessed with a wonderful home, amazing friends, and an incredible school.  I have built a new life in the U.S. and it is not something that I am not willing to give up. 

 I love and miss England but traveling back to face my past is a daunting prospect. Not only will I be facing my own emotions, about leaving, I will also be facing others. My family always thought that I’d move back and now I must face their disappointment. By seeing me in the flesh it will highlight the reality of the move but also the permanency of it.

Being so far away makes it easy to pretend that everything is the same. In reality, my grandparents are aging and having health problems, my aunts and uncles are becoming grandparents, and other relatives are making great mistakes. I can’t help but feel that if I’d have stayed I could have prevented all the negative events. 

Anyone can take a great leap of faith that is the easy part. It is the doubting and questioning, that follows, which is the biggest challenge. 

There is no doubt that change is positive. Taking steps forward leads to: deeper insight, greater knowledge and a great sense of self. Making a change is not easy but it is by facing our pasts and moving on that we become stronger people.

Have the courage to step forward in life but also be brave enough to look back.