We all do our best to get through every day. Some days are beautiful and clear, and then sometimes it's like a dementor is coming though to wreak havoc. I think with anxiety becoming more normalized in society, it can easily make some people struggle even more. It's not, "Oh, you have anxiety?" anymore. It's, "Oh, you have it, too?" I believe that change has caused more people to put on a facade of happiness, forcing them to be crumbling on the inside. I know for me, I will bottle things up until my fullest capacity. I do that because I worry about others worrying about me. I don't want anyone to think that I'm not okay. I want to be known as a strong person who can take on the world. I don't even want to spend the time worrying about myself. The time I exert into forcing myself into thinking things are okay ends up hurting me, draining me, more than just dealing with it then. No one should have to feel forced into feeling or dealing with emotion that they don't want. Your feelings deserve to be validated and accepted.
We grow to learn who we are by the things we experience. It builds the way we carry ourselves, and develops a strength of wisdom that shows itself when needed most. It's important to be honest about the things that make you who you are, and find the positive within the negative. I'm not saying you should be an open book with any and everyone who you encounter. Trust is earned. It's all about you. This is where it's appropriate to be selfish. No one depends more on you than you. Be an open book with yourself. Be real with what you're going through, just don't let it consume you.
I am not okay. I am scared, anxious, depressed, tired, the list goes on. I put on a facade every day, one of which I'm almost convinced by here and there. Other days, I'm just going through the motions merely existing. Then there's some days where the darkness wins and I break down. I'm making the acknowledgements, though, and learning to respect my mental state. I'm making changes and choices every day to turn that facade into something real. Want to know something I'm not, though? Alone. I am supported and loved. That makes being not okay a hell of a lot easier than it used to be. There is no reason for you to feel like you're suffocating, or like you're not treading water fast enough. There are millions and millions of people in this world, and at least one of them would be willing to hold your hand.
The sky might be falling, everything might seem like it's on fire. Maybe drowning your demons isn't an option anymore because they've all learned how to swim. Stop, take a breath. You might not be able to control the inevitable, everything might seem out of your reach. Maybe shit just happens. Embrace how it makes you feel and try to understand it, know how to make it better. It's okay to not be okay, and I can promise you that not everyone is 100% okay, 100% of the time.
