When a man tells you “you’re not like most girls”, it isn’t a tribute to your womanhood.
When you personally say “I’m not like most girls”, it isn’t a vow to your worth.
I know those two ideas are quite bold when discussing the “like most girls notion” because we hear it used so frequently and we probably view it as a form of a compliment. We think this makes us special, exceptional, and maybe even worthy of better treatment than the average girl in society. After all, that’s literally what “you’re not like most” means—different.
The problem with using this notion isn’t that it makes us feel uniquely wonderful, especially in a relationship. Every person deserves to feel that way in both relationships and life because every person is uniquely wonderful. The problem is that when we reference that notion, that “I’m not like most girls” we are saying the exact opposite of what the message is supposed to entail.
There seems to be this semi-movement where girls are constantly pushing the fact that they’re not like the rest of the female population in order to be viewed and treated in a higher regard than the average and avoid being left standing in the shallow puddle of today’s mediocre standards of a relationship. This is why I feel that the “I’m not like most girls” movement should have a more direct translation, which is “I don’t want to be treated as less respectable from being different than most girls” when it comes to relationships and social views.
A woman without makeup is still worthy of respect.
A single mother is just as successful as the woman who created her own business.
The woman in Faded Glory is as respectable as the woman in Prada.
Playing COD is just as respectfully feminine as the woman bringing art to the canvas.
Drinking beer over wine and martinis does not make a woman less classy or respectable.
A woman who enjoys casual sex is just as much wifey material as the virgin down the block.
A woman reading "Jane Eyre" over "Cosmo" is still intelligent and… respectable.
While these examples are not always accurate, they can be undeniably true in many cases. When we say “I’m not like most girls”, what we’re really saying is I want to be seen as someone worthy of being respected despite the fact that I don’t necessarily follow guidelines of what is the feminine norm.
When I hear girls blatantly say the dreaded line “I’m not like most girls”, what I secretly hear is “please don’t treat me or view me as less if you cannot understand or relate to every element of my being that may be different.” It becomes a wrenching plea of acceptance for respecting that uniquely wonderful woman who loves Harry Potter and collects "Lord of the Rings" magnets before she watches "The Bachelor" with a new highlighter pallet.
So, when a man tells you that you’re “not like most girls” as a complement, despite his good intentions, he isn’t appreciating your individuality as much as he is your conformity to what society says is acceptable. Unless you’re really just that unique, and in that case keep doing you to the fullest.
And ladies, the next time you feel the urge to hit someone with the phrase “I’m not like most girls”, remember that you’re blatantly not. You’re your own version of beautiful chaos, so there is no reason for you to feel the need to conform yourself in the same way everyone else is struggling to do.
We’re not like most girls simply because most girls aren’t us, and we deserve to be respected and appreciated regardless of those differences. Catch us splashing in the horrible puddles of those “most girl” relationships and diving into the sea of uniqueness and wonder that cannot be labeled so easily with the word “most”.
When a man tells you “you’re not like most girls”, you agree for the sake of knowing you’re not a competition of conformity, but an individual woman worthy of respect.
When you personally say “I’m not like most girls”, make sure it’s because you now refuse to hold yourself to that low standard.
