“Are you having sex in there?” Short Answer: No.

Every time my leg seizes up I end up screaming, "damn, damn, DAMN," and hitting either the wall or the dresser.

I'm really not sure what people assume happens in my room but I can demystify it for you: HBO and a magnesium deficiency.

I know it’s doesn’t provide as many juicy details as a Tinder hookup but it’s the truth. In the beginning of the fall semester, a girl messaged me on Facebook to hear about who I was “with” last night. After staring quizzically at my screen for a moment, I figured out what she had heard - my friend and I watching Netflix.

Now I’m not saying all TV shows and movies incorporate copious amounts of sex scenes into their script, but I am saying that most do. And who are the sufferers of this epidemic? Innocent single people trying to get some HBO time in. The things I do for "Game of Thrones!"

I’m not fully blaming HBO and Showtime for making me seem more scandalous and/or interesting. I do know I’m partly at fault. Not all of that screaming originates on film; some of it comes straight from the source... a stubbed toe or a locked foot.

Have you ever had a leg or foot cramp? It’s killer. I’m pretty sure I can do voice over work for hardcore porn with those noises. It ranges from slightly seductive sounding to wildly alarming. I’ve actually experienced a leg cramp in front of a date once before. Unfortunately, I skipped over seductive and went straight to "CALL 911 NOW." We didn’t last long.

Needless to say, my single dorm room must sound like the weirdest panoply of out of context noises. From my constant clapping along to the "Friends" theme song to my clumsy dropping of very fragile items (I broke a ceramic plate, a bowl and cracked a screen in one semester), I know that I personally make up a one woman sex noise band. While I accept this responsibility, I know that even I cannot compete with the likes of modern day TV.

All of my favorite shows use sex as a secondary character - "The L Word," "True Blood," "Orange is the New Black," "Transparent" and "Game of Thrones"... I’m almost too afraid to start watching "Masters of Sex!" I’m not even remotely prudish either but when I see Alex and Piper getting back together (….again), I can’t help but roll my eyes as I lower the volume. I just want to zone out to my favorite shows in peace.

So this is my message to all of you that watch "Spartacus" with one finger on the mute button. I hear those noises coming from your bedroom and I know, that just like me, you aren’t getting any either. Instead of lowering the volume, let’s raise it up! I can’t be the only one struggling through this Sookie, Bill and Eric threesome.

Maybe if we stop being so ashamed of what everyone on the outside thinks of us, we’ll actually be able to enjoy the scene without heading to Facebook to clear things up. I mean, is it the worst thing in the world that people may hear me watching a rerun of "The L Word" and confuse it for porn? No, but until I find the complete confidence to watch my shows at the volume I see fit, I’ll clear this up for you one last time: It’s not me that’s having sex, it’s Cersei.