"So, are you seeing anybody?

One of my least favorite questions. I understand that it is a common question to ask someone, especially if it has been a while since they had a conversation with you. Do not think that I dislike or despise anyone because of it. That is not the point of this article. I merely hate the question itself. It forces me to place my mindset back into the realm of reality and quickly formulate a short but sweet response. I typically cite being busy with work and school as my rationale for being single. Trust me; you do not want to get the long answer on this one. Nobody knows all of my reasons for why I do not bother jumping back into the dating pool. Some close confidants know some details, but only God and I know the truth in its entirety.

I had just turned 20 when I started my first (and only) serious relationship. Like any relationship, it consisted of ups and downs. I was about two months shy of turning 23 when we had decided to part ways not long after Valentine's Day.

It has been over five years since I became single again. I have strong conflictions about whether I want to be in a relationship again. Sure, I did enjoy some of the perks of having a significant other. I used to be one who longed for physical affection. Now, I prefer to keep the world at arm's length.

I was almost 25 when I finally decided to seek actual treatment for my lifetime of my generalized anxiety. Over three years later, now 28 years old, I still have ways to go. I would rather sleep, listen to music, and play video games rather than bother giving a damn about a relationship. I have been maintaining an "ignorance is bliss" mentality when it comes to facing reality. The more time I spend playing Xbox, the more I can forget about everything else going on.

I am selfish as hell and think primarily of myself. I know I am incapable of thinking about a significant other at this point in my life. I am too mentally and emotionally drained to care about cultivating a relationship. I do not want to accept that I am less than two years away from turning 30 and am not married or have children. I spend as much time as possible at home, rather than go outside. I constantly just do not "feel like" doing relationship related things. I am trying to finally earn my bachelor's degree and get myself out of a financial hole at the same time. I am an only child, and alone is what I know best. I am so used to being by myself, and I do not feel like changing that anytime soon.

I do not expect anyone to understand why I think some of the things I do.

You are probably asking "Are you doing anything to make yourself girlfriend material for if and when you are ready?". In all honesty, I am not doing jack shit. I know I am in need of a healthy diet and some damn exercise. I am also in need of fixing my steadily declining GPA.I often feel as if I am solely going through the motions day by day. I need to fix quite a bit about myself before I can even consider adding someone else to the mix. If you are smart, you will steer clear of me. Right now, I do not have anything beneficial to offer.

I had tried dating websites and apps such as Plenty of Fish (which I do NOT recommend). I connected with two people and went out with them. One guy, we hung out once, and I did not hear from him again, and the other guy who happened to graduate the same high school as me, three years prior, I pushed him out once he was asking personal questions way too soon.