I'm Not A Christian, But I Love Jesus

I'm going to start this article by saying something rather bold:

I'm not a Christian.

Growing up, I always knew Jesus. I knew who He was, and what He did for me. I don't have a troubled start to my testimony - I was a normal kid who loved Jesus. I was saved when I was ten, and then later baptized when I was twelve, just after my first beach camp with our church. The next seven years were been filled with doubt, loss, hope, confusion, laughter, heartache and tears - oh-so many tears, and yet, through this emotional roller coaster I've been through, the one constant thing in my life was Jesus. Even when I would doubt, He was there waiting on His lost little sheep to find her way back to the pasture. Now, as an adult, He is still here with me and guides me to this day.

...but I'm not a Christian.

When I, and many others, think of the word "Christian", it brings an array of adjectives to the front of my mind. "Snob," "prude," "stick in the mud," and "Holier than thou" are just a few. Let me ask you this: how did identifying as a follower of Christ get turned into a who-can-Instagram-the-most-Bible-verses competition? Why are we comparing how many likes we got on our quoting scripture Tweet to eternity? Do people think that God is tallying up how many Amens you shared on Facebook?

I'm tired of comparing myself to other Christians. That's not why I am here. I am on this Earth for a reason. Showing off how many pairs of Chacos I have or how many times a week I go to Chick-Fil-A is not that reason.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret, internet:

I'm not perfect.

I'm clumsy.

I cuss way too much, especially if I bump into something, drop something, or get mad at something.

I get mad way too easily.

I don't read my Bible every day.

I don't listen to KLOVE or Air1 every waking second.

I really like secular music.

I laugh at things I probably shouldn't laugh at.

I'm pro-choice. I don't believe in abortion, but it is not my right to tell you what to do with your body.

I'm pro-Black Lives Matter.

I'm pro-Blue Lives Matter.

I'm pro-marriage equality.

I'm pro-gender equality, including women getting a draft card. Personally, I think that the draft system should just be gotten rid of, but that's another article for another time.

Out of all of these things, I love the Lord my God. But when I look at other Christians around me, I feel so insecure in my faith. Am I not praying enough? What am I doing wrong?

Then I realize: their story is different from mine. They are doing what I am striving to do.

Do I stumble? yes.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not.

Am I loved? Absolutely.

Am I saved? Yes.

I'm not a Christian. I am an imperfect, abandoned heart running to follow my Savior.