A/N: There will be one expletive, because a bold idea needs bold words.
The first time I remember being called bossy I was five years old. I was playing house with friends and I told them what parts they should play, because no one else could decide. A caretaker at the daycare told me “Don’t be so bossy.” Somehow, taking charge was seen as a negative. They didn’t want bossy girls. They wanted little girls who would be quiet and not voice an opinion when they disagreed with something. I grew up as that quiet little girl, afraid to take charge and be a leader. I didn’t think it was my place to be in charge, I thought it was undesirable to be assertive as a female. But now, at 21, I have decided to forget being described as bossy, and just be the boss. People will call me bossy no matter what I do. It’s so counterproductive to try and please everyone you meet, and I need to get stuff done now.
The more I read and listen, the more I realize that female leadership is always being called into question—just look at the rhetoric being tossed around this election season. Women leaders are more likely to be called bossy or bitchy or emotional. And it’s not only critics calling women into question as leaders, women don’t often give themselves enough credit. They apply to jobs when they are 90% qualified, while their male counterparts apply at 60%. Women bosses describe themselves as supportive or fair, compared to their male colleagues who use more active adjectives like assertive and stern. Those active traits are seen as desirable and the qualifications of good leadership.
This infographic from Huffington Post shows adjectives being used to describe powerful women all over the world. And not just in local offices around the country, but women who are presidents, first ladies, politicians and CEOs. These women are literally dictating world events and all the critics can focus on is whether or not they look frumpy or if they’re considered “shrill”. No one would describe a male politician as shrill, just opinionated.
However, I’m not saying the word "bossy" should be banned. In the words of the wise Hermione Granger, “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” But, we should find better words to describe strong female leadership. There will always be critics and those who disagree with those leaders, but the criticism should be on their policies, not on whether or not they look good in a business suit. We need to eliminate the harmful rhetoric towards female leaders, such as bossy or emotional or shrill.
It’s my belief that we need more females in power and until we can erase the negative connotations associated with being “bossy,” we will lose out on young girls who won’t put themselves forward for fear of being considered unequal to the task. Of course, there will be those select few who decide to embrace the word "bossy," and that’s a good thing, but embracing a word most often used to degrade isn’t the only answer. As Mary Dalton from her essay “5 Reasons I Will Not Ban Bossy” on Huffington Post says, “From now on, I am going to make it a point to call more men 'bossy' and stick with 'assertive' for women until men have achieved parity.”
We should use bossy for anyone who pushes someone around, not just an assertive and opinionated female. But we should not use words that focus on appearance (i.e. frumpy, harpie, or slutty) or words that are meant to question someone’s (specifically a female) ability to lead (i.e. emotional). Maybe then we can stop worrying about what designer suit a female leader is wearing and start asking her questions about her policies, or you know, the stuff that actually matters.
While some women embrace the word "bossy," we need to also encourage those women who do not to take up the reins of power and make their voices heard. If about half of our population is being discouraged from leading because of the use of rhetoric traditionally used to criticize one gender, how can society progress? For all of the females who have ever been called bossy, know that it is okay. Know that you are a strong leader and have the ability to do anything. And please, forget being bossy and just be the boss.
