I’m 21. I’m legally considered an adult in almost all sense of the word. I can drink, I can drive, and I can vote. In some parts of the world, I'd probably be married off with children of my own right now. But here, in the good old state of Wisconsin, I'm just a college senior who can't decide whether to nap, study, or eat, let alone figure out who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
A few people I know that are my age have recently gotten engaged. While I'm really happy for these individuals -- really, I swear I really, really am happy for them (please, this seriously isn't sarcasm. I wish them all the happiness in the world) -- I'm not going to lie, it weirds me out. The whole "finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and settling down" is not what's weird for me. It's the fact that that sounds so put together and adult. As my best friend put it, "If my boyfriend asked me to marry him right now, I'd tell him I'd have to ask my mom."
I just can't seem to come to accept the fact that most of my friends are on the brink of "the real world" (I'm not -- thankGod for grad school) or that I'm at an age where real, adult things are going to be normal occurrences. Friends will get married and babies are not that far off in the future for some of us (neither are puppies, so that's a responsibility I gladly look forward to). Mortgages, car payments, paying off student loan debt, and weddings are not that far away for any of us. All of this has made me realize two things:
I'M NOT READY
and
NONE OF MY SHIT IS TOGETHER ENOUGH TO BE AN "ADULT"
I hate making appointments, I don't know when to go to the doctor, and I call my mom asking her what to do almost every day about a million different situations. I realize that there is going to come a day where I will need to do it all on my own. I just really didn't realize it was coming so soon. I feel so unprepared. No one told me it would sneak up on me like this.
But, you know what, it's okay. I've got time. I am still a senior in good old Wisconsin with my whole life ahead of me to learn how to get stains out of shirts, get a dog, and pay a mortgage. I'll enjoy my friends that do start getting married and start families in the near future, but I'll live my life by my own timeline. I'll just do my best to learn about how to "adult," all the while still enjoying the fact that I lie a little more on the childlike side of the line. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't have my shit together, and I'm happily content with the fact that I don't.
