A free trip to the homeland, endless hummus, scenic hikes, lasting friendships and terrorism. That’s how I view Birthright. I have seen friends embark on their journey to Israel, eager to go and hesitant to return back home. My brother even wore a Yarmulke for a whole week after his trip. A majority of testimonies I have heard claim they had a spiritual awakening and truly felt connected to their Jewish heritage. I have honestly never heard of a less-than-satisfactory Birthright trip, and still in the midst of all of these raving reviews, my apprehension persists.
I cannot remember a time I wasn’t afraid of Israel. From a young age, the media has portrayed it to be a place of war and turmoil. An image of destruction and peril is etched in my mind and it seems that no matter how many people swear it is nothing like the way I envision, I have a hard time erasing that hazardous image. Everyone responds to my trepidation in the same fashion, ensuring me they have never felt safer than when in Israel and reiterating the fact that there is a solider assigned to each group. My main argument to that is: why would I want to be in a place that requires an armed solider to follow me everywhere? That doesn’t make me feel better, rather it further solidifies my anxiety.
I live in a generation where absolutely everything my peers engage in is documented on social media. I scroll through Instagram and Facebook and marvel at the unadulterated beauty of the desert and legit hump-day pictures on camels. I’d be lying if I said I don’t already have the perfect captions picked out (no shame). Did you really go to Israel if you didn’t 'gram' a pic of yourself lathered in mud at the Dead Sea? I crave to make those unforgettable memories that so many before me have already made. The thought of exploring the Holy Land and strengthening my connection to Judiasm is exhilarating and there is a huge part of me that screams to take the opportunity and run. Yet, here I am, sitting at my computer complaining about my phobia of my own homeland.
It’s sad, really, to be given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity with a fast approaching expiration date, and feel completely disabled by my fear. I know I will get there eventually. I know that I will push myself past my comfort zone because I do not want to look back in regret. Though I fear that with increasing issues stemming from the Middle East, I’ll never fully talk myself into taking advantage of my birthright.
It feels as though I am the only Jewish young adult who is not enticed by the free trip of a lifetime. It’s difficult to see the excitement when the risk of death clouds my vision. It frustrates me to think that as each birthday passes, I have let yet another year slip by without paying homage. With that being said, I remind myself of the importance of not letting such fears dictate my life. Life is short, and the gap of eligibility to go on Birthright is even shorter.
