I’m more confused than ever. I have come to the stage in my life where I am supposed to be starting to get my life together. When asked, “so what do you want to do with your life?” I apparently am supposed to now have the answer. Well, I still walk around life day-to-day as confused as ever. Now I’m not just confused about school but everything else that goes along with life, love, work the list of confusion is endless.
I’m confused about school. Not confused in the sense I don’t know what is going on in class, because I have mastered the art of being confused in class bit I’m confused on what to do after school. Hell, it's summer and I’m sitting here worried about what comes next. Did I do the right thing? Did I go to the right school? Did I pick the right major? Am I doing anything right? Am I doing it right or am I simply trying to convince myself I’m doing everything right?
I’m confused about you. You, the person that makes me toss and turn with different emotions. One second I’m trying not to think about you, because you made me feel incompetent, unworthy and worthless. Then in the blink of an eye I can go from not thinking about you, to thinking about you. With that can come the feeling of dislike for the way you treated me, or it could come with the possibility of wondering what could have happened between us if things were different. Then the confusing thought of if I ever cross your mind, or if you ever felt the same way I did, those often enter my thoughts the most frequently, which makes life even more confusing.
I’m confused about life. We are dealt a new deck of cards everyday, some days those are good some days those are bad. When we are given the bad cards the thoughts of “why do good things happen to good people”. We become selfish in this thought, thinking that no one else is going through anything equivalent to what we are going through. Life is confusing. One day we are supposed to know exactly what we are doing and the next day that whole thing can be flipped with a flick of a switch. Not going to lie, that was a really really deep thought but think about it, it was true, life is confusing.
Everything is confusing, and somehow I’m walking through life very confused but I'm managing.
