Does anyone else remember taking psychology in high school and learning about personality type tests? Let me tell you; I lived for that mess. My favorite was probably the most popular and well-known of the tests, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Now, many now know that the self-report is not the most reliable or psychometrically sound test in the world, but it is still a decent way to get a rudimentary understanding of your personality in a concrete, physical fashion.
I happen to have the rarest type: INFJ. INFJs are traditionally believed only to make up about one percent of the population. I'm not going to go into all of the aspects of the personality, but the one that I feel is the most accurate and noticeable in my life is the I for introversion.
I love being alone. I genuinely like spending hours upon hours sitting in my room by myself with my headphones on, nose in a book, or binging HGTV wrapped in one of my grandmother's quilts while getting lost in my own thoughts every five minutes. If you ask me what the meaning of life is, I'm likely to start singing and jumping for joy while taking you on a word journey the likes of which have not been seen since Charles Dickens first got told he could be paid by the word.
Unfortunately, my love of loneliness also makes daily life a little difficult. I already have a particular degree of social anxiety that, while not severe or noticeably life-endangering, is enough to make me feel like I'm on the verge of a heart attack whenever I'm expected to talk to someone with a purpose other than just to talk to them. Social interaction is immediately and immensely draining. If I go to parties, I always stand by myself or find the room with the least amount of noise or people without even trying. If I hang out with friends, it's never in large groups. I almost always spend time with friends one-on-one. I despise talking over the phone. I understand that text, IM, or even email is really impersonal, but it allows me to put in a level of thought and deliberateness that is generally incompatible with simply talking.
Even just watching TV or a movie with another person makes me feel weak and ill after about an hour or two. It probably sounds like I'm complaining, and on some level I am. That isn't my point though. I guess what I'm trying to convey is that I've learned over the years to love being lonely in ways that most people don't allow themselves to. I've learned where my boundaries are and where those boundaries get in the way of fulfillment. And yet I haven't learned how not to let it bother me when my loved ones get frustrated with my attraction and endless need to retreat to that loneliness in every setting I find myself in. Human beings are indeed social creatures, so if we see that one of us isn't actively trying to be social or active, we immediately see something wrong. We have a natural animosity towards loneliness and reclusiveness. The thing is, there's nothing wrong with being alone or by one's self if you want to be alone. So don't feel like you have not to be alone when you need to be, and don't feel like you have to keep someone else from being alone if they want to be.
