When a sudden illness first comes into a family, it's a shock. My own example comes from this past summer, when my mom developed an Ocular Occlusion in her left eye, which caused her to lose sight in that eye. I remember the exact moment it happened, the anxious feelings that followed, and I can recount how me, and my family, are still coping with this sudden change to our lives.
Days before the illness developed, my mom, sister, and I took a girls road trip to Savannah, Georgia. A few days after returning back home to Minnesota, my mom and I were reading in the living room at about six in the evening.
Around this time, my mom looked up from her book and realized that she couldn't see quite right. She figured she had looked at the sun wrong, or a floater was causing her blurry vision. However, about an hour later, her eye sight wasn't any better... in fact, her eye sight was getting worse. She described her vision as looking through a frosted window.
The days to follow were filled with Optometrist's offices and eye specialists, and it was deemed that she had an Ocular Occlusion (or, in other words, she experienced a mini stroke in her retina). This blood clot (along with her other preexisting condition in her other eye) rendered my mom so she was unable to read, drive, watch TV, cook, go to work, or do nearly anything on her own.
In a moment, she lost all of her independence.
My own emotions surrounding my new responsibilities and future came upon me like a flood.
Days to follow, I cried in the shower, thinking I'd have to drop out of school to care for my mom, and work a full-time job to cover our living expenses. We also considered selling the car and setting up a GoFundMe page to cover the mounting medical costs. I'd have to manage not only my mom's mental and physical health, but my younger sister's as well. I thought I'd have to step up as the head of the household in place of my mom, because no doctor dared give us a straight answer to if she'd ever recover the sight she'd lost.
What helped me cope with my mom's sudden debilitating illness was leaning on my friends (because I was honestly afraid to put that extra stress on my mom and sister), journaling, coloring mandalas, staying positive, and going with her to eye appointments to try to become as educated about Ocular Occlusions as possible, and to be there for my mom in this time of uncertainty.
I may not be a very religious person, but I was also frustrated with God. I was confused on why this happened to my mom. My favorite bible verse is Jerimiah 29:11, which states:
"For I have a plan for you," declared the LORD, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
How could a loving God place this on my mom, and our family? What could have she done to deserve this? What good could come from this, if God has a plan to prosper us and give us hope for the future?
Through struggling with my mom's sporadic negative attitude about the future, my sister's terrified outlook for what was to possibly come, and my own doubts about not being strong enough to handle all these new responsibilities, I have reached a point today where I am content. I am content because today, after treatment, my mom is able to function enough to have her independence back (although she has to make adjustments), and with this, I can feel content.
I do wish she'd regain what vision she had to start with, but the stress isn't constant anymore. It isn't invading my mind constantly, or causing me to have mini breakdowns in the shower. I am choosing to stay optimistic about her situation, because with an illness which is a waiting game, and where there is no guarantee on recovery, there's really nothing better.
