I think we are all a little bit guilty of over-planning and getting way too wrapped up in the plans that WE have for our lives. I am the absolute worst. I can get one "good idea fairy" about being a lawyer, and somehow five minutes later, I've created a ten year plan about my potential career in criminal law, all because I watched a really good movie about a kick-ass female lawyer (ie. Legally Blonde). I guess my biggest problem is that I love to talk myself into things, I have a ton of enthusiasm and passion when something new and exciting pops up in front of me. And I'm not ashamed of this! My passion has fueled so many great things in my life, including my (short-lived) career in ministry for the last nine months. Unfortunately, this career went up in flames about a week ago.

This career I speak of entailed looking after, supporting, loving on, and advocating for sex trafficking survivors. I worked at a 30-day shelter specifically for adult, domestic sex-trafficking victims. And yes, it was as amazing, inspiring, and life-changing as it sounds. Work never felt like work, and there were many days where I honestly didn't want to leave at the end of my shifts. To make matters even more appealing, I served alongside some of the most incredible, compassionate and genuine Christ-followers I have ever met. I felt supported, loved, and appreciated by these ladies I called coworkers. We had unity and purpose, and a drive to serve our clients that could not be swayed by anything in this world. We worked together, learned together, and served whole-heartedly together. My job was not always easy, though. Let me be perfectly clear in saying that working with trafficking victims (trauma victims) is not a walk in the park. There are days where I felt that my patience and faith were tested and pushed far beyond my limits. However, God was always there and He was always so faithful. I felt God's presence at my place of work. And on the best days, I even felt His presence show up within the hearts and minds of my clients in the most unexpected ways. He delivered these beautiful and treasured women in a manner that my mind cannot even fully fathom. Every day, I just felt grateful to witness His constant love and unwavering grace work in their lives, heal their hearts and change their whole perspectives. I felt so much more than lucky, I felt blessed. I was in love with my job, and I could truly see myself doing ministry work with trafficking survivors every day for the rest of my life. I just knew that this was God's plan for me.

But that was the problem, I put all my eggs in the ministry basket. I was so certain that this was where God wanted me, and I have no doubt that there is truth to that. But it turns out that He only wanted me in this ministry for a season, instead of my whole life. Surprise! I made my plans, I called the shots, and God just laughed in my face. I never even considered the idea of working anywhere else, and for the last week (since finding out the news), I'll be honest, I've been really angry with God. He took away my income (with a whopping five days notice), He took away my career and passion (that I was hoping to do for the rest of my life), and He took away this amazing safe place for so many sexually exploited women in the Houston area. It wasn't just a job, it was my entire life, and it was everything I wanted and more. This wasn't just a plan for me, this was the only plan for me. I don't understand, and honestly, I might never fully grasp all the reasons that He took me away from a job that I loved so dearly. Or how he could shut down a facility that touched the lives of so many people. And I am coming to the conclusion that it's okay; I don't need all the answers because I am so proud of the work that I've done for His kingdom and His precious people. I will miss this job, but I am excited to see where God takes me next, and how He will use my experiences with this ministry to reach even more lives in the future. This whole time I was planning my life around my career in ministry, when instead I should have been planning and fully surrendering my life to Him, and Him only.

So I'm still out here, searching for jobs, and praying for God to lead my hands and feet. I have no idea where I will end up. But I do know that He is good. Even on the days where I'm cursing His name, crying out for answers and questioning His existence, He is still so faithful and so sovereign. It may feel like He is failing you, but maybe He is fighting for you. Maybe He is saving you from a mistake or a roadblock in the future. Maybe He allowed you to catch this stop light because 2.3 seconds up ahead there is going to be a fatal car accident. We will never know all the mysteries of His ways. We will never know why He allows our hearts to break like this. But He is still my rock and most of all, my provider, even through all this pain.

I have come to the conclusion that God isn't saying "no" to my work in this ministry, He is simply saying "not now".

My time spent serving trafficking victims will not be wasted, and I truly feel that this ministry will continue to be a part of my life, just maybe not right this second. He is still working on my story, and guiding my steps. He is strengthening me in new ways right now, and all I can say is "thank you God". Thank You for saving me from the road blocks that I cannot see yet. My plans might have been good. They may have given me a really solid life of contentment, but God wants so much more for me than contentment. He wants greatness. He wants boldness. And sometimes He wants change for us. So go ahead, tell God your plans, but keep in mind that He probably has so much more for you. Sometimes it's good to plan, but sometimes it's even better just to sit back, pray, and watch Him work.

"God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them." - John Piper