If you have lived life even a little bit, you have probably had your heart ripped from your chest. If you are lucky, it has only happened once or twice. Either way, chances are you did not get away without any scars. Some heartbreaks are worse than others, sure, but every single scar teaches us a lesson and pushes us to be who we are supposed to be and to be with who we are supposed to be with.....If we let it....
Although pain is a part of life, we live in a very toxic society that tells us that we have to be in a relationship to be valued. We hop from person to person playing musical relationships and seemingly caring less and less about the last. Some of us are capable, others are not. When you have been hurt to your core, like I was, It was not an over night process. I will spare the details of my misery, but let's just say I spent more than one night clutching my chest in the bathroom floor wondering what exactly it was I did to deserve that pain, and wishing that God would never allow me to feel so much for someone ever again. After a while, I began to approach things with the "fake it til you make it" mentality, and actually started to feel a little like my self again.
After months of faking it, I finally felt "ok". I didn't think about What's His Name anymore and I started exploring the dating world again, only this time incredibly indecisive. One day it was one dude, the next another, back and forth, every day I felt different than the last. I kinda just assumed this was what life was supposed to be like, that I just had to re-learn what love was because clearly feeling so strongly about someone was only meant for fairytales. Living the bach life style was fun and games until I realized that I started to become the person who hurt me... not intentionally, but as a defense mechanism so that I would not get hurt the same way again.
The thing is, I am a firm believer that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react. Instead of letting myself feel and hurt and react, I kind of just swept my feelings under the rug because I figured if I didn't let myself react, then it would not hurt. I had convinced myself that hurting and reacting meant that maybe I cared a little too much or maybe I was crazy for being so hurt, even though all my feelings were well deserved.
I feel like it is completely necessary that in order to not become the person that hurt you, you have to be completely honest with yourself. Know what you are capable of and accepting the fact that it is completely okay to not be and to take time to grow yourself before trying to add water in someone else's garden.
Let yourself feel.
Seriously. Let it hurt. Let it sting. Turn your radio up to the saddest break up song you have ever heard. Or eat a pint of ice cream. Or lay in your floor. It is really okay to feel pain. We live in a world where people watch our every move to see how we react. In order to completely shed yourself, you have to let it bleed. It is not fun in the slightest bit, no. But feel it now for all that it is worth. If you do not feel it when it hurts you, it will come back to haunt you later on, I guarantee it. Pain is like a crack in the windshield. Sure you can ignore it for now, but eventually it will grow and grow until it busts. You have to let yourself feel the pain. Healing takes different amounts of time for everyone, but healing right the first time will save heartache and trouble. Sometimes this involves changing yourself a bit, and that is okay. I know for a fact that I am terrified of change, especially when it involves changing myself but it is so necessary to remember 1. You never grow inside of your comfort zone 2. Every chapter of your life involves a different version of you. If it means reevaluating who you are, that is okay.
Don't hate who hurt you
I once read a Chinese proverb that said "Me hating you for harming me is like me drinking poison and expecting you to die". Hating someone because they hurt you gives them power over you even after you are gone.
Hurt people hurt people because misery loves company. Just because someone was a villain in your story doesn't mean you have to be one in theirs.
You have to remember, when you stop looking back is the day you can put one foot in front of the other. But most importantly, always, love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.
