One of the biggest issues with social media apps like Pinterest or Tumblr or Twitter are the conflicting self-help sentiments. In the same scrolling session, you might read a quote that’s something like, “If you can’t get someone off your mind, maybe they’re meant to be on it,” as well as, “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.”

So which of these is it? If you’re feeling like you can’t let go of your ex or someone you had some undefinable fling with, are you destined to be with that person? Or are you holding yourself back from letting go of them?

"You are probably not the exception."

Of course, the answers for this might differ from situation to situation. There’s always going to be that couple who really is meant to be together—whatever that means—who find each other and make it work years after a break-up. But that sort of situation is one in a million. The majority of the time, not being able to get someone off your mind simply signals residual emotional attachment. And attachment takes time to fade away. So consider this, darling reader: you are not the exception.

If you can’t get over your ex, it’s because you don’t want to or you need more time. You’re scared of letting go of something close to your heart, and maybe you’re scared to admit that you wasted time with someone that you weren’t meant for in the end. Maybe you’re just scared to face the fact that you have to deal with feeling shitty until the attachment goes away, and that you shouldn’t do the easy thing and take that person back. That’s only short-term relief trying to hold more precedence in a conversation than it ought to.

"Face the pain now instead of later."

Listen here, darling reader, you deserve better. Not because your ex is an asshole, or anything like that which people might tell you to try to make you feel better, but because you feel shitty right now. And no one should feel shitty if it can be helped.

So take a deep breath. Face the pain now instead of later. Face the loss. Face the regret. So that you don’t have to face the shittiness of a break-up for longer than you absolutely have to.