If Someone You Love Has Alzheimer's,
Stop beating yourself up over all the things you can’t do. You can’t make their memory come back, you can’t get them to act the way they used to, you can’t get through to them the way you so desperately want to. The cruel disease has taken this power away from you, the power to simply be there for the person you love. This is not your fault, so instead of getting frustrated with the situation, you have to make the best of it.
Who ever wants to make the best out of watching their loved one slowly drift away in front of them? Just like anything else, you cannot worry about the future. You have to live in the present and enjoy what is right in from of you. I understand that those times together might not be enjoyable right now and may be the most frustrating and saddening times you have together. You have to make light of the situation and laugh at the little things. If you don't laugh and find love, you will never make it.
All you can do is truly believe with all of your heart that you are doing the best you can. You are doing more than the best. Your loved one appreciates you more than you are even aware and, in this case, more than they are aware themselves. Push away the bad times and embrace the good moments with every piece of your heart. Every tiny laugh, every small smile, every tap on the shoulder. These are all signs of gratitude that you need to take and keep with you for as long as you can remember.
There are going to be days where you think you aren't enough or you think you cannot do it or you think that you failed. Whenever one of these days occurs, you have to take a second and remind yourself of what you do and why you do it. You spend this time with the person that you love and that in itself is more than anyone can offer. It is you who will remember these times together, so make them as loving and fun as you can. The less you stress about a situation that is not in your hands, the better your time will be with the person that you love.
Candy Crowley once said, “Alzheimer’s creates a kind of friction that the family needs to be strong for. You have to hold onto things and know what is true in life.” Without love and support from one another, the one suffering ultimately suffers even more. In order to face this situation, you need to face it together, with warmth, grace, and patience. No one said that it would be easy, but being together makes it possible.
That person you love is still in there. They can still appreciate and love what you do even if their recognition is not obvious to you. Nothing you do goes unnoticed or unappreciated. You are a hero. You are more of what the world needs and please understand that you are needed and idealized by that person. Their gratitude is their memory in their heart.
Above all else, you have to remember the simpler times and the good times with these people. You cannot hold this part of their lives against them by remembering the frustration and the pain you went through. They want you to hold on to those memories together when you both could remember, and cherish the ones they were not fortunate enough to have. By remembering how much they loved you, you are holding onto their love even when it feels like they no longer feel it, but believe me they do. You are adored. You are admired. You are cherished. And not just by the person you love who is suffering but by every single person you meet.
Stay strong and believe in all your heart that you are enough, because what you do is utterly amazing.
